What did the doctors tell the boy with cancer who is on his way to being released from the hospital? "you are going to die," why give him hope and be proved wrong. This way if they are wrong the whole situation is a miracle, if they are right..... "I told you so"

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Wanna hear the most repeated joke on anti jokes? Why did [insert name here] fall off the swing? Because he/she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not [insert name here].

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What did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware River? "Men, we're crossing the Delaware River."

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"Good Morning, I'm Dr. Pepper" "Like the drink?" "Huh... yes... just like the drink" Would you mind to sit right here Mr..... "Nike" "Oh, just like the shoes" "How do you dare!"

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Why did the black man get laid off? His company was no longer doing well and he was not needed.

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Why can't the T-Rex give high fives? Because they are extinct.

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Whats brown and a fag? A bundle of sticks

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Roses are red, violets are blue, can I have a ball? No these can't be removed

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How does a person with Alzheimers' poem go? Roses are red, Roses are red, Roses are red, Wait, what was I doing?

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers.

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How many dyslexic people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Filing cabinet.

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Once there was a ugly barnacle. He was so ugly, everyone died. The end

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What happened to the gun that was jammed? It didn't shoot.

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What do you tell your chicken when it is it's birthday. Nothing, because he wouldn't understand you.

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What did the man do with the naked baby girl? He put some clothes on her and proceded to lay her down for a nap.

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KNOCK KNOCK whos there Malcom i dont know any Malcom go away!

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why was the little boy crying? he was at his mother's funeral.

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I man walks into a bar. He orders a drink, takes around 13.5 minutes to drink it, then walks out. It takes him 10.7 minutes to walk home, 2.8 minutes less than he spent in the bar. When he is home, he decides to have a bath. 7.8 minutes into bathing, a radio plugged into an outlet near his tub falls into the water with him and he is killed. 29 miles away a woman sneezes twice.

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Person 1. Knock-knock. Person 2. Who's there? Person 1. The doctor. Person 2. The doct-- Person 1. You have cancer and have about three weeks to live.

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What's purple and has four legs? I don't know. What? I DONT KNOW EITHER THAT'S WHY I'M ASKING YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!

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Who created Apple? Steve jobs.

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knock knock come in

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Officer i'm dot nrunk, beriously you gotta selieve me!

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What do you call a guy walking into a bar Dave, because that's his name

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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