How do you get a baby to be quiet? Put it in the oven for a few minutes

thumb_up thumb_down -15

1 error prohibited this post from being saved There were problems with the following fields: * Body can't be blank

thumb_up thumb_down -15

So I picked my nose while peeing, and it fell in the toilet so I didn't have to wipe it on anything. This is more of a story I wanted to share than a joke

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the Firefighter say to his crew when they put out the fire.... - Let's go home.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Roses are gray Violets are gray I really wish That I wasn't color blind

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's worse than being hit with a falling brick? Being hit with many falling bricks. -ilikecrepes97

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Q:What happened after the snake tricked Adam and Eve into eating fruit from the tree of wisdom? A: Nothing, but the three of knowledge was a whole other story though. Moral Man.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A frog walks up to Steve, and says "Hey, Steve." Steve is terrified because a frog knows his name, and is walking.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

what do you call a sexy feminist? nothing, there are none

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A priest, a rabbi, and an iman all walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this, some kind of joke? Muslims don't drink beer."

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What benefits came from the September 11th attacks? None. It was one of the most horrific tragedies in American History

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the man say to the butterfly? To the butterfly? Nothing. He was probably talking to himself.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why is the turkey always full? Because he is stuffed.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Obama One Big Ass Mistake America

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why was the black man running down the street with a suitcase? He was late for work.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why does a gay guy come out of the closet? He can't see anything inside.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What is better than a Beer? Two Beers.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q. Why do cheetahs run so fast? A. Because their bodies allow them to.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

One time there was a man walking down the street. Wrong, it is physically impossible to walk down a street, you can only walk along it.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

You know what's good for shoulder pain? If you ice on for 20 minutes then off for 20 minutes repetitively three times a day

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Jim just got laid off at the office. He believes his life is going to hell, so he commits suicide. His wife then later was blamed for his death because they were having many arguments. She was sentenced to life and slowly rotted in prison for the rest of her life. Their children then are moved around from foster home to foster home and they grow up to be drug dealers.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A women was driving along in her brand new, swanky, red ferrari when she spotted a red light in the distance. She stopped steadily, following the rules of the road. All of a sudden a loud bang came from behind her where a young driver had hit her at 50 mph. They both come to an abrupt stop and exited their vehicles. The women says "Idiot, you just hit me!" The boys says "oh don't worry, I have insurance."

thumb_up thumb_down -17

what did the boy who liked trucks get for his birthday? POOP

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops