Why did the elephant get on the roof? To jump in the pool.

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What did the customer say to the waiter when he found a fly in his soup? Sorry to bother you on your break, but why didn't I get a fly in MY soup?

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How do you put your babysitter in jail? Kill your kid on her shift.

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a man walks into a bar... he was shot to death because he was a slave during the 1910s

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"Why is Barney green and purple?" "Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way."

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Hey guess whats funny? Matthew Mcconaughey Oh wait, never mind

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What is green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree and onto your head, it will kill you? A pool table.

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why couldnt the jew play basketball? He was handicapp

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Q: What has no color, no shape, no size, and was born in your mind? A: The thought you just had about this anti-joke.

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What is yellow, has wheels, and lies on its back? A school bus in a terrible accident.

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A black man a white man and an asian man walk into a bar have a few drinks and on thier drive home run over a three year old little girl and here to month old sister and they go to prison for the rest of thier lives (they shouldn't of let the asian drive)

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A zebra and a giraffe are out in a safari and they see some humans. And then the cow, was drinking, the man was milking the drink, when the giraffe was going to buy some milk. She said, the was yeah okay.

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Why did the old man go to the retirement home? The 75 year old man had a 45 year career in pluming and he thought it was a good time to retire after saving enough money to be happy and he could spend the rest of his life with his wife. The retirement home was also not that far away from his grandchildren so he liked the location and the home was also very clean and the workers seemed very nice. But this was just a visit to see if he liked it, he may live there soon.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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Q:Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? A:The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythological creatures.

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There was a boy and..........his dad said to go to the store to get his daily thing.........he went to the store and bought it......he came home and said.....HERE ARE THE EGGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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In the middle of english class, Little Timmy raised his hand and asked "Can I use the restroom" The english teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?

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There once was a girl with only one buttcheek. She couldn't go poop. She died.

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What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a Jew? One comes back from camp.

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Why did the blond cross the road? She needed to get to the shop as she'd run out of milk.

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A: What dose God listen to? B: Slayer. A: Trick Question, God=Slayer

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What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

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Why did the man scream? He got shot in the eye with a nail gun.

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Q: Whats the best part of a bald pussy? A: After you put the diaper back on you perv!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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