What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Some chocolate and a new DVD.

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What's white and can't climb a tree? A fridge

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Who has two thumbs and is happy? This girl! You're a girl?

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A girl asks her mother, "Mummy, why am i called Rose?" "Because when you were 1 day old a rose petal landed on your head." Another girl asked her mother, "Mummy, why am i called Daisy?" "Because when you were 1 day old a daisy landed on your head" "alualualualalughghphphpphphp" "Shut up fridge"

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Why did the pig cross the ocean? So he could be eaten by Americans.

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? Because she was blind, not to mention deaf and mute.

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Gay people: "Quit calling Justin Bieber gay, we don't want him either."

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Why did the elephant get on the roof? To jump in the pool.

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What would it take to reunite the Beatles? Two more bullets.

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What did the orphan do on his birthday? He burned down his orphanage, he hated the place because he was severly abused.

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Mother: "George what happenend to your pet rock?" George:"I dont know." Mother:"Here! I found your pet rock. It was in the same place it was before!"

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If a large bear falls out of a tree, why would a giraffe also eat the cheese?

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What do you call someone who is bad at hand eye co-ordination? Dispraxic

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You're such a dork you were found on the bottom of a whale.

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Why does Apple hate Blackberry? They don't fruit can be rivals.

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Why did the girls ice cream melt? She was on fire.

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Sally heard a scream in a dark room and went to go see who it was. Knock Knock! Who's there? Not Sally...

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What's the hardest part of the pizza to eat? The motorbike.

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Why couldn't the blonde count to 70? because 69 was a mouth full:)

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What did the pilot say to the female flight attendant? He told her to never tell his wife about the time they spent in mexico or he'd bludgeon her to death with a hammer.

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Why did the man murder his wife? Because she would'nt do the the dishes

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So there was once this cool little dude that had a purple nose. People would walk by on the streets and say, "Hey! That's a cool nose!" Purple nose man appreciated that they didn't pretend it wasn't there, and instead celebrated the diversity. The next day, he was scalped.

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A Muslim walks into a bomb shop. Unfortunately for the bomb shop owner, the Muslim was a police officer. He proceeded to arrest the owner and the employees of the store, as it turned out that the selling of these particular explosive devices were illegal. They ended up in jail, and justice was served.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm bad at poetry Show me your titties

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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