Q: What did the clam say to the postman? Moral: "Hey its me the worlds only talking clam! How you doing dude!"

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What did bob say when he was told his beloved parents were dying? "oh"

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A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

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A man walks into a bar. He leaves a large rucksack by the pool table and walks out. The rucksack then explodes and kills 13 people because it is the height of the Troubles and the man is a member of the IRA, who targetted the bar because it is regularly visited by British servicemen. The media extensively cover the story, and the two sides of the conflict in Northern Ireland decide that the bloodshed must stop, which eventually made way to the Good Friday agreement of 1998.

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Why did Susie drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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There is a hawk and a squirrel sitting in a tree. a farmer walks by with a strange package so the hawk turns to the squirrel and says nothing because he is an animal and incapable of speech, he then eats the squirrel because he is a bird of prey.

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A mother and her child run into the store... The mother opens the door, so the child does not run into the store again.

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What did the chicken say to the cow? Cluck cluck Knock knock Who's there Chicken Chicken who? Chicken go cluck cluck, cow go moo Piggie go oink oink, how 'bout you?

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Ask me if I'm an orange. Are you an orange? Nope! I'm a person! - SMC Digital

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These Jokes suck.

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Because the tractor hadn't seen the chicken.

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Neither did she.

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caoimhin is a dorty carrot

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A man walks into a bar. I don't remember the rest, but your mother's a whore.

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How many Anne Franks does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, cause she's dead.

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What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew? Harry made it out the chamber.

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What's the difference between Jam and Jelly? You can't Jelly your dick into your girlfriend's ass.

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Whats worse then a worm in your apple This joke

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What did the mother of the boy with cancer say on his birthday? - Happy Birthday, too bad you still have cancer.

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What's worse than aids? Being a virgin.

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Q. why did the girl fall off the swing? A. Because she had no arms.

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I did it. the Bulls fan Took a few hours on Microsoft word. then I copy and pasted it on this!

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what did i get my mom for her birthday? Nothing im selfish

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Why couldn't the turtle swim? Because he went too close to an oil spill, the petroleum got into his mouth and coated his lungs and he is now dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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