How can you tell if someone is vegan? -they'll tell you

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Your mamma used to be fat till Slim Fast came out with dick flavor!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

what is the difference between an octopus and a dead dolphin? one as tentacles the other is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Kid: Mom I'm gonna dig a hole all the way to China! Mom: That's sweet but it's impossible dear. You'll get to tired after awhile to go any farther. Also, by any chance you did dig really deep, you would melt and die if you got the the center because the magma will kill you when you get to it. Alright son? Kid: What?

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q Why did the chicken cross the road A Nobody knows why because nobody is psych

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Whats worse than the Holocaust? A second one

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q: What did the fish say when it swam into a concrete wall? A: Fish don't have vocal cords that allow them to speak in a way discernable by humans, and if they did, it would just sound garbled and bubbly due to their being underwater.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What glows in the dark and is really annoying? A glow in the dark chimpanzee

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? Were both lawyers.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead! Why did the bird fall out of the tree? It was attatched to the monkey! Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? .....................peer pressure

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Did you hear about the man who played the lottery? He lost.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A watermelon, a cherry, a mango, and a peanut are sitting at the table for dinner. They are all eating chicken wings and watching the superbowl between the Packers and the Patriots. What is wrong with the situation? Well two things are wrong, cherry's cannot communicate with peanuts because they speak different languages(obviously). And the patriots fucking suck.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Two scientists are experimenting with sulfuric acid. One scientist says to the other, "Did you see the new intern?" In the process of turning to face the first scientist, the second scientist knocks the beaker over and spills sulfuric acid all over the first scientist's hand. The first scientist writhes in pain as the second scientist rushes to find a strong base to neutralize the burn. After a few minutes, the first scientist is rushed off to the emergency room and suffers from some serious chemical burns.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A black man walks into a bar full of white people. And then... He orders his drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A squirrel walks up to a tree and says "I forgot to store my nuts for winter now I am dead". Ha! It's funny because the squirrel gets dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

i hate non minorities!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What kind of dance does an alien do? None, aliens aren't real.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Robin, get in the Batmobile.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's invisible and smells like carrots? An invisible carrot!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

what do grown up's do at night when everyone lese is asleep? Go to sleep as well

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q: How do you make a plumber sad A: you kill his family lolololololololololol

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did Tim fall out of the window? Well... he didn't exactly fall... I pushed him

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What was John Lennon's last hit? The pavement.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Whats worse than one dead Baby in ten trash cans Getting raped by kobe

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops