You can pick you're friends, you can pick you're nose, but you can't run over a pedestrian.

What did the grizzly bears have for lunch? Fish and tourists.

2 men walk into a bar, the 3rd man ducks and ask them if they're ok

What do you call a black man carrying a T.V? Someone that is helping me move.

What do you call a cat with 1 eye, 4 legs, and its tongue out? Road kill.

Why was the clown sad? Because he was found guilty of raping and murdering 33 young men, and sentenced to death for 12 of those murders by a jury of his piers.

Theres a blonde and a brunette at a party. The redhead is left out because she has no soul.

What did the average man say the the bird? HOODINI

How do you stop a bus? You try to wave down the bus driver, they're usually nice people who will stop for you if you put in some effort and act appreciative.

What did the Black man say to the prostitute? Your job makes the risks of getting AIDs and other STDs much higher than the average person's.

Q: What do you get when you cross Rebecca Black and a day of the week. A: a stupid song called FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Roses are black, Violets are black, I'm blind.

What do you call it when the Doctor goes back in time to meet himself? A pair o' Docs. What do you call it when Shaquille O'Neil goes back in time to meet himself? Shaquille O'Neil can't go back in time.

Roses are Red Violets are Blue Walt dies in breaking bad.

Why was the pizza mad? Because he was going thorough a growth spurt and the testosterone got to him.

Why don't women drive more? Because statistically the man offers to drive more frequently

Why did the chicken cross the road? like most animals that wander onto the road, it was completely unaware that the road can be very dangerous. It didn't go onto the road on purpose, it simply treated the road as if it was just like the rest of the ground.

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt has a really long name.

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left it.

-Is your refrigerator running? -Yes. -Just wondering.

Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldn't she get up? She had no legs. Why did noone help her up? She was fat.

How did the person die? He got hit by a car.

Is Barack Obama a dentist, a teacher, or the president of the United States? A dentist. He just happens to have the same name as the president.

Q: Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? A: Because he had bladder control problems and feared he may ruin the first pair.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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