I had vodka + water and got drunk. had rum + water and got drunk. had gin and water and still got drunk. I've learnt my lesson. NO MORE WATER FOR ME

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do Mike Tyson's handwriting, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and your Grandma's apple pie have in common? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's a pirate's favorite video game? Pirates lived in a time before such technology existed

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: What is red and smells like blue paint? A: Green paint.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

why cant the porcupine marry the balloon? ...neither one can talk.. obviously.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How many teachers would it take to find their way out of a maze? Depends on their area of speciality. If the teacher(s) are mathematicians or logicians, probably one or two at most. If they are home economics teachers, possibly more.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why couldn't the farmer drive his tractor He had no arms why didn't he have arms Because he was a potato

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was the man arrested? He assaulted and raped an elderly woman at the local Walmart. He then proceeded to hijack the poor woman's Scooter and lead police on a 4 mile long car chase.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How many pancakes can you fit into a gopher hole? Red - because ice cream doesn't have any bones.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding out your boyfriend's gay

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How many Santa Clauses does it take to change a light bulb? Santa Claus isn't real.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How many dyslexic people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Filing cabinet.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man walks into a store with a faulty washing machine. He provides a valid guarantee receipt at the customer service desk and it is replaced without an issue

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was the boy afraid? Because he had just seen his dog get ran over by a tractor

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a bagel.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the chicken cross the road? It escaped.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

When life gives you lemons, you probably just found lemons.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

whats the differnce between madalin macan and batman?...batman returns

thumb_up thumb_down +3

When life gives you melons you may be dyslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Pickup line: Hey babe, do you know what time it is? Because I don't wanna be late for class and if you told the time, it will surely help me because I'll be able to arrive early at my class not to mention it would greatly improve my punctuality efforts to help me pass the class this semester. Geez, I remember back in middle school there was a guy name Billy Jones and he used to always be late for class. His name was Billy but we called him Bill. Bill was his nickname but his real name was Billy. Anyways, he was always late for class because he would always make the best barbecue ribs in town.... (45 minutes later...) ....and I told Bill, "Man, if you were to just ask what time it was it would greatly help you in arriving to class early." And he was was like "I know but..."And then I cut him off and I said "But nothing. I don't care what kind of barbecue ribs you make, you just can't do that." So there I was, me and him, sitting down and .... (3 hours later...) ...it was awesome. Boy, I remember back in the early 90's when I was at elementary school, it was a stormy weather and we had to go to class. That's when I met Clarissa. She was a really nice girl and I remember there was a time when... (to be continued....)

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Joe: Hey, why are your counters all red and your blender looks broken? Me: The same reason why Mrs. Johnson's baby is missing. ajl

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A banker makes some poor economic investments with other people's money. turns out the people can never get the money back. the banker walks away like nothing happened. the government does nothing to prosecute the man. Somewhere in there his wife leaves him.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what did the guy say when he lost his sandwich? wheres my sandwich?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Because the tractor hadn't seen the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops