Why did the fat ugly bald Jewish man go to the bank? He needed to take out some cash because he was going out for lunch at a highly recommended restaurant.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? A: Taking the laws of physics into consideration, most likely nobody

thumb_up thumb_down +7

You know how they say cats have nine lives? They don't.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the doctors tell the boy with cancer who is on his way to being released from the hospital? "you are going to die," why give him hope and be proved wrong. This way if they are wrong the whole situation is a miracle, if they are right..... "I told you so"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why are there only 50 states in the U.S.A The US gives territories a chance to vote if they want to be states in the US.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did Hitler kill himself? He realized what he'd gotten himself into and became severely depressed

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock, knock. Who's there? George. George who? Oh sorry, I thought this was number 52. my mistake.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A Gummy Bear!!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the man with no head say to the women?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What happened to the man that walked into the bar... He walked into the bar

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How do you get a baby to stop crying? Run it over with a lawn mower!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What would a gay, transgender, mexican man say to another? We could have butt sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

www.xnxx.com

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the rapist say to the child? Contrary to popular belief, I am just a kind old man that likes to hand out sweets to disadvantaged young children. I only got dubbed a rapist when a child crawled into the back of my van as I drove off; the fact that his abusive father was the one who raped him is not my fault.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the road cross the chicken? Because Einstein said so. According to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a man with a spade stuck in his head? An ambulance, he may be in need of urgent medical assistance

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the man give his wife for her anniversary? Nothing. The man is a raging alcoholic and forget her anniversary due to his high alcoholic intake during the past few weeks. Even if he did remember he most likely didn't care after seeing his wife cheat on him with another woman putting his marriage into shambles.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the little girl cry when she fell off the slide? Because when she fell she hit the dirt ground, cause dust to fly into the air, he eyes started to water in response to keep her eyes from being damaged. The slide however, was taken down, too many children had been hurt while playing on it. The community is now pooling money together in order to build a new playground.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Two pretzels were walking down an alley way, one was assaulted. In a instinctive move, the other quickly ran away and alerted the authorities. The assaulted pretzel was severely injured but slowly recovered covered from physical trauma and has now sought professional help to deal with it's great deal of post traumatic stress.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What animal was two legs and bleeds a lot? half a dog

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's sad about Justin bieber getting thrown off of a cliff Nothing

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats the difference between wayne rooney and shrek? Well, one, shrek is fictional. Two if he was fictional,he is green. Wayne rooney is not green. Three wayne rooney plays for a football team, surely shrek has no idea what football is. The list goes on.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Jon walked into a bar. Ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q: How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they are too weak to climb the ladder.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops