A horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'why the long face?'. The horse does not answer as it cannot speak or even understand english. It was later destroyed by the government.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: IMAGINE that your in a heart racing battle with a huge grizzly bear when suddenly a bird picks you up and carries you to china and leaves you on the adge of a cliff which then you are chased by warriors and are forced to jump off the edge. What do you do? A: Wake up

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Did you hear the one about the guy who went his whole life without ever telling a joke? He was still funnier than David Letterman.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q:How many dead babies fit in a bathtub? A:It depends on the bathtub, but if all of them were the same size, babies also differ in size and sometimes shape. If all bathtubs and babies are the same, the number would be 1, because every baby will be as big as the bathtub.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

how much blondes does it take to fix a light bulb 1 to buy the bulb 2 to put it up and 25 to think about what it does

thumb_up thumb_down +10

An Asian girl is playing with a rubber band. She accidentally slings it into her eye, cries, and receives immediate attention from her mother.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

why did victor sell half of club getaway because he wants a partner why did david buy the half because victors dying

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call someone with no arms, one leg,and an eye patch? names

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why was Edgar sad at the swimming pool? Edgar had been taking swimming lessons for a few weeks, on a tuesday-thursday basis, and was not learning how to swim as well as he would have liked. His instructer, Ms. Herpina was also very rude and generally disrespectful to Edgar. As a result of him seeing the lack of progress, and his dislike of his teacher, one day he quit going to his lessons and went to the local Dairy Queen instead with his girlfriend, Susie. Little did he know, his mother had also gone out to buy him DairyQueen, as a celebration to him becoming better at swimming. When she saw him at Dairy Queen, she was very angry at her son, who had lied to her about going to that days' lesson, and had also lied to her about not having a girlfriend. After his mom told his girlfriend that they couldn't date, she took a distraught Edgar to their small apartment. Edgar had always hated this apartment, ever since the first day they moved in as a result from the lack of money to afford a nicer area. After his older brother David stole all that money from his mother to buy drugs a few years back, his life hasn't been the same. His mother was forced to move into an apartment with few luxories, and Edgar was constantly jealous of his friends at school, especially Jason, the dark haired boy who always bragged about how good he was at his PSP games. Edgar only wanted happiness for at least a little while, but was quickly forced back to the pool. He was embarassed at the fact that he couldn't swim, and all the popular girls at the pool were making fun of him. It had been a rough life for Edgar, and he was still only seven years of age. This, my child, is why Edgar was sad at the swimming pool.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How did the baby survive the car accident? He didn't. He was killed on impact.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be. He could not be. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. He's either in great danger or has a psychological disorder.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Two men fought over a bag of peanuts. The peanuts won.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's worse than being dead? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

pull my finger (farts)

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the black man get arrested? He didn't pay child support for his 12 bastard children

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What has ears, but can't hear, eyes, but can't see, a mouth, but can't talk, and legs, but can't walk? A deaf and blind paraplegic with an improperly functioning larynx.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why is 6 so afraid of 7? Because 7 was a registered six offender.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A Haiku It Is This One Is Kind Of Boring Now It's Time For Bed

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb Wanna go ride bikes?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why do Jews fast for Yom Kippur? It's part of their tradition.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

whats worse then falling out of a tree? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What noise does a Chinese roller coaster make? Chink Chink Chink Chink chink.....

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the bolt say to the wall?? nothing ,they just screwed.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you tickle a tree? you dont you are a schizo stop kicking leaves

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops