A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He tells the bartender that his octopus can play any instrument. The bartender gives the octopus bag pipes. The octopus fiddles with the bag pipes but can't seem to play them. The man gives the bag pipes back to the bartender and leaves with his octopus. He is quite embarassed and decided to get bagpipe lessons for his octopus.

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Roses are red violets are blue I'm gonna rape you with a stick

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What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal? Nothing, because he was eating him.

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What do you call a guy with a puppy, candy, and a windowless white van? You're next baby sitter.

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Why did the chicken cross the road ( The chicken says) I dream of a world where a chicken can cross the road without having morals questioned.

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What do you call a Puerto Rican, a Blonde, and an African woman in a taxi cab? Three people who happen to be traveling to the same location at the same point in time.

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OMG THIS ACTUALLY WORKS! 1. Hold your breath for 2 mins 2. Die

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Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.

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Why can't Timmy go on any rollercoasters? Because he's morbidly obese and it would a safety hazard.

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Why isn't the dog a rebublican? Because it's a dog.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other... Uh oh. A car just ran it over.

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What did the man with one eye say to the woman with one leg at 2 p.m? Good afternoon.

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Why was the little girl crying. Her dad wiped his bloody penis with her teddybear.

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The motto of those who live in the Bible Belt; "The Bible Belt: Where being obese is 'Genetic' but being homosexual is a 'lifestyle choice'."

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What was Joe's old name? Joe, I lied about the old part.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, i got a boner, from looking at you

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Why would you kill a black man? Well, murderers have different motives, the most common of these are revenge or a psychological illness.

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What is worse than stubbing your toe. Being shot

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what did the white guy say to the black guy at the homeless shelter? Hi.

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Why do black people make the best milkshakes? because they use the finest ingredients

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What do you call someone who can legally murder? OJ Simpson

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How does Hitler tie his shoes? with little Nazis!

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What do you get when you rape a dead baby filled with jalapeños? A lifetime in prison, and a burning penis.

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you will like this because i am black.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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