what has wheels and is red. A heart, i lied about the wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Q: How do you shoot blue flames from your hands? A: You start to duck and lean forward quickly before you fully reach to duck as you punch as hard as you can, a blue flame should come out as Japanese bullshit automatically spews out of your mouth. It should not take more than a try or two...

thumb_up thumb_down -24

knock, , knock , who's there the gas man the gas man who ? the gas man who is gonna turn your gas off !

thumb_up thumb_down -24

what's the difference between a lion and an ostrich? they are both birds, a part from the lion

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What's worse then a missed call from your dad? A missed call from your mom.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

If you are riding on a boat and all the wheels fall off, how many pancakes would it take to make a dog house? It does not matter because fish don't like tomatoes.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Knock knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad your whole family isn't dead from a fatal car accident?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why was the new born on the orphanage's doorstep? He was an accident.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What's an X-BOX? A box where you find a treasure

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A kid who lost parents is called an orphan and a wife who lost her husband is called a widow. What do you call parents who lost their child? Free on the Weekends.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did Stephen hawking walk into A bar? He didn't. This situation is impossible considering the fact that he suffers from a horrible condition causing terrible muscular paralysis preventing him from walking.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Chuck Norris once stared in a show called Walker: Texas Ranger.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do you call it when a multiple personality disorder person masturbates? Rape.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Jack was taking his family’s prized cow to market to sell; times were hard, the coming winter was sure to be harsh and they needed money and supplies desperately. On his way, a strange old man stopped him in his path saying ”Say there, son; that’s quite a fine cow you’ve got there! How would you like to trade?” Jack looked forlorn at his cow and replied, “Sorry, mister, unless you’ve got the 200 gold pieces my papa wants me to get for her at market, I can’t!” The old man cackled and danced in a small circle and said “But you’ve no idea what I have to offer!” He reached into his pocket and revealed several small beans; “I’ll give you the LOT of these for your cow!” Jack smirked and said “Why would I trade a whole cow for handful of dumb ol’ beans?” The man laughed and danced again, “These are no ORDINARY beans!! They are MAGICAL beans!! Why, plant but ONE of these beans, even in the harshest, driest of weather, and it will you feed your family for 20 years with enough left over to sell at market making your family wealthy beyond your wildest imaginings! Why, you could buy a HERD of cattle, each finer than this one you have here!” Jack thought this over for a few seconds, wondering at how proud his father would be were he to bring home such a fine prize! Anxiously, Jack agreed; he handed over the cows leash to the old man and ran home as fast as his legs could carry him, the magic beans clenched tightly in his sweaty fist. He burst in the door shouting “Mama, papa! Come see what I’ve got!” Jack’s mother, father and two little brothers came rushing into the room where Jack proudly displayed the magic beans in his outstretched hand. “We’re going to be rich and never go hungry again!” Jack’s mother looked confusedly at the beans; “You traded our last cow… for a few beans?” “Yup,” replied Jack, brimming with pride; “ the old man said just ONE of these is enough to feed us for 20 years!” Jack’s father grabbed the beans out of Jack’s hand and threw them out the window before proceeding to beat Jack quite severely, breaking his arm, fracturing several of his ribs and covering him with every manner of welt and lesion before Jack’s mother, through panic and tears, was able to stop her husband from killing their eldest son. Jack soon after took ill as several of the lesions became gangrenous. They amputated his arm, but it was too late; the infection had spread and Jack died within the month. By that time, winter had come and it was every bit as harsh as they thought it would be; Jack’s little brothers both died of starvation and Jack’s Mother turned to selling her shriveled, malnourished body to any wayward traveler who would have her for a pittance. Shamed and in mourning, Jack’s father took to drinking heavily at the local tavern. One night, through the drunken haze he overheard the barkeep telling a rapt group of listeners about how he’d heard about an old man who’d duped some dumb kid out of his family’s prized cow for a few beans and that same old man was currently in prison serving 5 years for man-on-cow acts of bestiality. Jack’s father ran out into the night, wailing and crying, deep into the woods to escape the shame of it all. A pack of wolves heard him and attacked and killed him. Also, Jack’s mother got syphilis. Moral of the story: children will ruin your life.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why do fat people commit suicide

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What did the tide say to the sea?ANSWER-- Long time no sea. LOL Issaiah from OHIO yolo

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do you call a man who never farts in public? A private tooter!

thumb_up thumb_down -24

why was the baby crying? cause his abusive father broke his arm.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What's worse than reading? A lot, but there are too many things to name

thumb_up thumb_down -24

A guy finds a genie bottle. He rubs it. A genie appears and grant him 3 wishes. He wishes for a splendid woman, a lot of money, and a house.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Your momma's so stupid, she has a lower than average IQ!

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did Jimmy's grandma never come home ? Her liver failed .

thumb_up thumb_down -24

How are friends and bananas alike? If you peel their skin and eat them they die.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Q.) What do you call a black man on the moon? A.) An astronaut.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops