Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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A man asked a guy in a store for football cleats The guy got all confused because footballs cannot wear cleats

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Why did the asian man crash? He fell asleep after a long 18 hour day of driving, plus he was listening to soothing soul music.

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whats the difference between an orange and a dead baby? one is a tasty treat and the other is an orange

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A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. What does he order? Nothing. The horse was incapable of speaking English then shat on the floor, kicked over a chair and then left.

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“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

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Why was the fat man crying? He was sentenced to the electric chair for a murder he didn't commit.

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What is worse than mistaking a bottle of blood for ketchup? Mistaking a bottle of "sticky white stuff" for milk... Moral: If you are a straight man that is... As for women meh... lie all you want ladies...

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Roses are red violets are blue ice-cream is yummy can I eat you

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How does Hitler like his juice? With pulp

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What did the women get after valentines day? An abortion.

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What did the mute say to the deaf man? Nothing becasue a mute is a person who cannot speak and a deaf man ould not hear the jumbled mumblings anyway.

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What do Selena and Justin, Kate and William, and Barack and Michelle all have in common? Nothing.

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what did i get my mom for her birthday? Nothing im selfish

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if you consider his name parents name social security number hospital born date born and nurses signature all on a peice of paper then i guess you consider that his birth certificate

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have said two factual statements.

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Why is it so hard to find slim fitting clothes in America? Because not many clothing stores carry them.

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What's green and if you eat it you die? A Biljarts table.

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What did the homeless man buy with a dollar? Nothing. He didn't have a dollar.

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Why did the tomato blush? It didn't, tomatoes are naturally red by colour.

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friend 1: Alright man, i got your back friend 2: AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What happened to the pig? It got turned into bacon like every other pig.

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Knock Knock Who's There? Poop. Poop who? HAHAHAHAHAHA you said poopoo

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How did Moses make his tea? He steeped the tea leaves for around 5 minutes in hot water.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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