they say a rolling stone gathers... speed until it reaches maximum potential speed and cannot go any faster.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you make a plumer sad? You kill his children.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What is brown and smells like sh!t Actual sh!t

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How many times do you have to make an ass of yourself before you look like a retard and thinking ''random'' means funny? Fuck yourself HAHAHAHAHA seriously stahp

thumb_up thumb_down +17

how do you make jimmy happy you cant he's in a coma

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Two men were standing on the 34th floor of a 65 floor building. They were trapped in a office with one window. here is their conversation: guy1: oh no what should we do??? guy2: I don't know!! this is awful!!! guy1: I have children and a loving wife!!! guy2 walks to the window sill and leans over. guy1: what are you doing? there is more to life we can get through this!! guy 2 jumps out the window guy 1 runs to the window sticks his head out and yells "MAKE MINE CHOCOLATE!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A watermelon, a cherry, a mango, and a peanut are sitting at the table for dinner. They are all eating chicken wings and watching the superbowl between the Packers and the Patriots. What is wrong with the situation? Well two things are wrong, cherry's cannot communicate with peanuts because they speak different languages(obviously). And the patriots fucking suck.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A fat black guy walks into a pet store and asks if he can have a chicken. The cashier says "what do you want a chicken for?" He says " I need to lose weight so I'm hoping to eat its all natural eggs" So the cashier gives him the chicken and the fat black guy lost 50 pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

When life throws you lemons, your first instinct is to make lemonade. Due to your severe lemon allergy, however, you will die within several minutes and therefore have no viable method of creating said lemonade. You die horribly and your death sparks a movement against the biological warfare of life.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie-roll center of a tootsie-pop? zero if you bite it

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Bill: Hey Bob guess what? Bob:What? Bill: your adopted

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How did the fat man survive the plane crash? He didn't, he died like everyone else!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

what happened to those kids sandusky raped? who cares

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. ------ Knock Knock Whose there? Not Suzie

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A policeman walks into a pretzel shop. He sees two freshly baked pretzels. One was a salted.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What are annoying? Ads.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Hey, I just met you And this is crazy! But here's my switchblade Get in the trunk.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Where is boots, Dora asks Why the hell are you asking me when your the one who is with him.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the plane crash? Because something was wrong with the engine

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Fact: 100% of people who drink alcohol will die.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the viking say to the alien? "Vad i namn av valhalla är en utlänning gör här?"

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's invisible and smells like carrots? An invisible carrot!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

what is the difference between an octopus and a dead dolphin? one as tentacles the other is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

If a tree falls on a woman and there is no one around to hear it, she was probably lonely.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops