What did David's mom give him for his birthday? Nothing he hasn't seen her in eight years.

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What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One's fun to smash with a hammer and the other one is a watermelon.

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What do you call a jewish person at a construction site? A builder

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's a woman

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What's white and horny? A unicorn

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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If you spell "ChuckNorris" in scrabble, you get 22 points.

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? The Mexican blind cave tetra (Astyanax mexicanus).

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a blind man walks down the street and trips on an unsuspecting curb he scraped his knee

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Why did the boy fall off the swing? He had no arms Why couldnt he get up? He had no legs What did the boy get for Christmas? Cancer What did the boy get for Easter? A funeral Knock, knock Who's there? Not the boy.

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roses are red, violets are blue when ever l flush the toilet i think of you

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A: What's that on your shoulder? B: A birthmark. A: How long have you had it? B: Don't know.

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what did the mother say to the banana? I'm going to eat you like your father.

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Knock,Knock Who's there? The Police, Your under arrest for urinating on a toliet.

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What's worse than getting dumped? Heart Failure.

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What happens when you ask a blind guy to drive you somewhere? What happens if you ask a blind guy to drive? You will end up in a four way accident with 8 people dead 2 of which children and 1 baby. You might survive but the blind guy won't so you will have to go to court for him on the issue. You realize that you are terrible when it comes to the law and you get yourself thrown in jail for 2 years. When you get out you are so tired of getting butt raped that you go out and do it to someone else. Then you go back to jail an the process repeats it's self because this is the American justice system. We could work on it a little bit. But yeah, don't ask a blind guy to drive, your butt says thanks.

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What is funny about a man who chews tobacco? Nothing, the man was diagnosed with mouth cancer at a young age and got his jaw removed, he was very upset.

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What's green and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree, it'll kill you? A pool table.

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Knock knock. ... Knock knock. ... Knock knock. ... The FedEx man leaves, realizing that no one was home, and continues on with his job.

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A blonde dies Lololol

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Jimmy: I'm like hey, what's up, hello. Jon: I've already met you.

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whats worse than 10 dead babies in a bucket 5 are alive and eating the others

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What did Marsha say when she ate the apple pie? Nothing. It would be rude for her to talk with her mouth full.

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A man jumped off a 30 story building. What did he learn? Nothing. He died instatly when he hit the ground.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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