Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had legs.

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What do you call it when the Doctor goes back in time to meet himself? A pair o' Docs. What do you call it when Shaquille O'Neil goes back in time to meet himself? Shaquille O'Neil can't go back in time.

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A man walks outside and sits down to eat his sandwich.

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Why did the kid fall off his bike? His mum threw a fridge at him.

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A jumpercable walks in the bar the bartender says ill get you something but dont start anything.

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A cat walks into a bar. The bartender says "What would you like to drink?" The cat says "Meow."

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Two Jewish men are walking when they see a penny on the ground. They continue walking because pennies are not worth picking up in today's economy

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how do you keep a monkey from stealing your banana? shoot it

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knock knock who's there? A worm, your dead in a coffin.

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What did the squirrel say to Justin Bieber? We both enjoy nuts.

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What happens when 4 friends throw an egg into oncoming traffic, they hit a fire hydrant!

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What's brown and sounds like a bell? An old rusted bell.

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Jack be nimble. Jack be quick. But Jack still couldn't out run that bullet.

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two peanuts were walking down the street one was assualted

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whats white and smells like onions? an onion..

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Why did the car crash? Because the driver was blind

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my own dog bit my penis off, it was then put down. it was the worst day of my life.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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A doctor walks out of the delivery room, he then relieves a nervous father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happiness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with more information. Your wife died during the delivery.

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Yo mama so dirty when she takes baths there are rings.

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Is that a banana in your pocket, or do you just have an erection?

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Why did the black guy get a boner? The nitric oxide levels in his trabecular arteries and smooth muscle of his penis rose, causing his arteries to dilate and therefore enlarging his penis.

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Q: What's worse than your parents dying in a car crash? A: You were in the backseat and saw your mother plead your father to slit her throat witht he broken glass because her legs were brushed and a windshield wiper was shoved in her kidney. As you stared on in pure horror, your father did as she asked with much contemplation. An ambulance arrives moments later. In the hospital, you tell your dad that you hate him for killing mom. You run away and he dies overnight due to heart failure. Yo suffered paralysis and now and are confined to a wheelchair for the rest of your natural life and are sent away to a born-again foster care home where you are never adopted.

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when life knocks you down you don't do anything because life is a mental concept that does not have the ability to knock you down since it doesn't have a physical bodie

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops