How do you wake a clown up? By pouring vinegar in his eyes.

What's got 2 thumbs and a massive penis? A body parts collector I know called Harold Fortescue

Help, this is an urgent message from the S.S. Obesity. We're sinking; I can't imagine why.

an 80 yr old man apllies to walmart

Why was i sad when 4 black people in a cadillac fell over a cliff. The car blew up...

Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and ferrari? I dont have a ferrari in my garage!

Whats worse then a worm in your apple This joke

What was going through the man's head on the 51st floor when the first plane hit? The 52nd floor.

What do you call a german soldier? A Nazi

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar

Knock Knock Who's there? Orange Orange who? Sorry, what? your door is kind of thick.

the economy.

Why did the man open up a umbrella? Because it was raining..

Why did people run from the chicken? Because they didnt want to get bit by the chicken

Why is it so hard to find slim fitting clothes in America? Because not many clothing stores carry them.

What do you call a lot of Chinese people in a confined place? A Chinese urban center.

What happens when a man goes to college? He gets a degree and graduates most of the time or he fails miserably.

Why do you call a person who spits in your cheeseburger? A mean person

Two strawberries are sitting in a bathtub. One says to the other, "Can you pass the soap?" The other one says, "What do I look like, a typewriter?!"

How do prevent a nun from walking through a revolving door? Put a spear through her head.

There is a wizard standing on a street corner. A boy walks up to the wizard and says, "Can you turn invisible?" The wizard replies, "Oh, I'm not a wizard. I'm a hobo with a long beard and a bathrobe." The hobo then proceeded to begging the boy for money.

A father had three children Rose Daisy and Cinderblock. Rose comes up to her father and asks"daddy why am i named Rose?' the father answered"well when you were a baby a rose petal fell on your head"Rose Reply's "oh thats nice" and walk's away. the Daisy comes up and ask's "Daddy! why am i named Daisy!" the Dad answered "well. when you were a baby a rose petal fell on your head" Daisy Replied" oh ok i guess" and walked away. Then Cinderblock came up and asked "duuuhhhd" and the father simply replied" Shut up Cinderblock".

Why did Suzy fall off the swing? As Suzy neared the ground while swinging, her foot caught a small hole in the swingset's pebble foundation, and the power of Suzy's momentum along with the sudden stop of Suzy's swing forced Suzy to fly forward off of the swing. Suzy, seeing the silliness of her mistake, laughed it off, and tried to get back up. She quickly realized that her leg had snapped in half. Suzy will never walk again.

If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed. I will also remove you from my friends list on Facebook because stealing isn't nice.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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