how do women get from the kitchen to the bedroom? they walk there.

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A used condom filled with water and left on a radiator makes an ideal and inexpensive lava lamp.

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Why did the Iraqi airline crash? The pilot was a tomato.

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To clowns walk into a bar. They don't notice each other because as soon as they walk to a 5-yard radius, the length that was said to be the range of a clowns eyesight (which was actually said by a controversial scientist, looked on as a madman; he created a whole clown-eyesight-range conspiracy), when a fire starts, creating a huge apocalyptic event. However, the two clowns go into the bar unphased. Both clowns then turn opposite directions. The clown on the right sits down with his drink and takes out his book about the Victorian Era. He constantly checks his watch. The clown on the left disapears into the croud, and steals french fries from table 36. After three hours, they both walk to the back of the bar, simultaneously tying their shoes not noticing their similarity in career choices. They both open a door marked PRIVATE (while tying their shoes). After sixteen days of exactly the same thing happening repeatedly... Both clowns see eachother on the way out of the bar. Little do the know that they are being watched by the scientist I mentioned earlier. Two Years Later Both clowns die instantly after being attacked by a giant war hammer-wielding octopus on the way home from the circus.

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what's the difference between a zebra and a horse They are spelled differently

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What do you call flashlight in an Asian kids room what ever the brand is

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I like my women like I like my coffee... In a cup.

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What's the difference between a black person and a park bench? Benches are inanimate objects while people are indeed carbon-based life forms.

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What do you call a newborn son? The proudest moment of your life. What do you call a newborn daughter? A disappointment.

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roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, which is a serious mental disorder in which I have difficulty properly experiencing reality. It should not be confused with multiple personality disorder, which is a completely different disease with different symptoms.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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jack be nimble jack be quick jack is a parapeligic.....there's no need for more

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Knock, Knock Whos there? Banana Banana Who? Banana i didn't say your moms dead.

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Roses are brown. Violets are brown. Who pooped in my garden?

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What did the cat say to the dog? Meow.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You set the alarm for a reasonable time. - Louis

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What's the difference between a black minister and a white priest? Nothing. We are all equal in the eyes of God.

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Whats black,white and red all over? A penguin in a blender

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Q: Why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Your question is fundamentally wrong. Religion is a collective hallucination.

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Roses are red violets are blue ice-cream is yummy can I eat you

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Why are Pirates called Pirates? Because the word originates from the term Pirata which means 'sea attacker' in Latin.

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A light bulb is very similar in shape to a pear. So, when you change a light bulb, don't replace it by a pear.

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What brown and squishy? um um um um melted kit-kats

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A lost young boy walks into a bar to ask for a map. The Bartender takes him into a room and rapes him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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