why did bob eat the cookie? because he was hungry

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There's an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman. They are all trapped in a jail cell. Eventually they all starved to death.

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Q: Why did the purple cantalope eat the curtains at midnight? A: Sassafrass.

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A person affected by Alzheimer's is asked a knock knock question- Knock Knock Who's there? Boo Wait what are we doing again?

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? He died! Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was attached to the first! Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? He thought it was a game! Why did the fridge fall out of the tree? The branch broke! Why did Sally fall off her bike? She got hit by three monkeys and a fridge!

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Whats the definition of not winning? Charlie sheen losing custody of his son because he is a coked out, old man douche bag, who only gets told what he wants to hear because he forks out lots of money to gold digging hookers.

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A bar walks into a man... The man begins screaming uncontrollably as the corner of the building is inserted into his anus. Brick by brick, the bar forces its way inside the man's ass, as blood begins dripping down his legs. The man knows damn well it is impossible for such a large building to be contained inside him, but he grits his teeth and forces his ass open wider. His ribs break, his lungs collapse, and his now lifeless body is stretched into the shape of the bar. The bar is almost entirely consumed before the man's skin gives way to the bulging pressure...with an explosion of blood & organs, the shredded remains of the man are slung-shot around the lot where the bar formerly stood. The bar, now soaked in a mixture of blood & organ fluid, reflects upon the failure of its experiment. For the next attempt, a man of far greater fortitude must be used, so that his body does not burst so easily. Only then will it achieve its dream of becoming the first bar to walk into a man.

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What's black and white and red all over. Nothing, that's a contradiction.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Riddle me this, riddle me that. I'll eat your f^cking cat.

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"i once had a rabbit named socks.he was a funny little fellow until one day he got over excited and...well..." "did he...i mean..you know..did he...?" "what?lose a claw,throw up, sit in a pan of warm water until he calmed down?" "yeah! :)" "yes...but then he died."

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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bunnies are fluffy just like yo mama

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Why was the woman on video chat? She was videochatting with her husband, he was out of town.

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so a man walks into a bar and Cancer

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Whats long, green and falls out of trees? A canoe. Why did the old man fall out of the tree? He was in the canoe.

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What's hotter than a woman who is face down and ass up? A woman who isn't tying her shoes.

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What did the robet say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede. Its funny becuase the robot had no arms.

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whats red, sits in a corner and is slowly getting smaller and smaller baby with a cheese grater whats green and sits motionless in the corner same baby 2 weeks later

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What did the homeless man's sign say? It didn't say anything. You had to read it.

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What did Queen Victoria say when she saw a zombie? "Quick everybody, run, that is a zombie."

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Obama Getting Re-Elected.

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"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "Will farrow now gimme your hentai"

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Q. Why do cheetahs run so fast? A. Because their bodies allow them to.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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