How do you stop a dog from digging up your garden? Every time it does so, shout at the dog so it knows it has misbehaved. Keep doing this and the dog will eventually understand the error of its ways.

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A man said to another man," you are so stupid you climbed a glass wall to see what was on the other side." The second man said," well you were on this side of the wall and I'm going to kick your ass." The second man had been drinking that night.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

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What do you call a women with two black eyes? Someone trapped in the cycle of violence that is domestic abuse. The few friends and family members she still speaks with tell she should leave. They don't know about the last time she threatened to leave him, when he held a gun to her throat and screamed "You try an leave me I'll kill you and your precious god damn babies!" Now she suffers silently for fear of what he might do to her family, but is increasingly worried about the way her husband has begun looking at their 13 year old daughter. Every night she kneels at the foot of her bed and prays for death, over the sounds of her own sobbing and her husbands drunken rage. Also she is a slow learner.

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The Dalai Lama orders a slice of pizza for $2 and gives the cashier a $5 bill. He then realizes he hasn't been given any change, so he asks for his change. The cashier quickly apologizes and hands the Dalai Lama three dollar bills.

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What is green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree and onto your head, it will kill you? A pool table.

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I like my coffee like i like my women ... With big titys

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Roses are red Violets are blue There's suppose to be a fourth line.

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Yo Mama's so fat when she fell out of the tree she hit the ground very, very hard.

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Knock knock. Who's there? It's me. Oh, come on in. Thanks.

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What's worse then getting followed by a creepy man in a van? Getting followed and raped by a creepy man in a van.

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What do you call a Muslim pilot? An accident waiting to happen

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One night, a man was bitten by Dracula. The first thing to come out of his mouth was "Joke's on you, I have AIDS!" Then proceeded to laugh hysterically until Dracula snapped his neck

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Q: what do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill? A: mudslide

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Q. What is a deaf man's favorite song? A. Nothing, because he can not hear.

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What is worse than 10 babies nailed to 1 tree? 1 baby nailed to 10 trees.

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Waseem is such a hard worker on Anti Joke all day.

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A black man walks into a bar He looks at the menu and realizes he's in a bar, so he leaves

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Scratch and Sniff [________] smells like glass doesn't it?

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What did the fat black man do? Get a gym membership.

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Whats worse than biting into your apple and finding a worm? Getting raped by a giant monkey

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Why is a bird when it flies? Because the higher it goes the much.

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why did sally fall off the swings she had no arms knock knock whos there not sally

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse replies, "My wife is dying of terminal brain cancer."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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