A man buys some expensive lingerie for his wife on the occasion of their 10th wedding anniversary. After a lovely candlelight dinner at home, he tells her to close her eyes at which point he retrieves the gift box containing her anniversary present. Thoroughly exited, she rips open the box and takes out the beautiful garment, holding it up to the light in wide-eyed amazement. Her husband gives her a suggestive wink and says "would you like to join me in the bedroom to try it on?" To which she replies, "I AIN'T YER WHORE!"

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Q: How do you get a giraffe into a refrigerator? A: You open the door put the giraffe in and the close the door. Q: How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator? A: You open the door to the refrigerator take the giraffe out then put the elephant in and close the door. Q: The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend but one, which one is it? A: The elephant it's in the fridge Q: You have to cross a river that is inhabited by crocodiles how do you cross it? A: You swim across, the crocodiles are at the animal conference.

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WELCOME TO THE SECRET TOWARDS GOING BEYOND YOUR FIFTH SENSE... UNLOCKING YOUR SIXTH SENSE! (redux:Chronoshift extend Xr`d Utrawave edition) 1, Sound 2. sight 3.touch 4.Smell 5.Taste. 6.Balance? :( 7. Pressure :/ 8. Itch :O 9.Thermoception: Ability to sense heat and cold :S 10.Proprioception: This sense gives you the ability to tell where your body parts are. 11.Coordination. :/ 12. Nociception: In a word, pain. This was once thought to simply be the result of overloading other senses, such as “touch”, but this has been found not to be the case and instead, it is its own unique sensory system. There are three distinct types of pain receptors: cutaneous (skin), somatic (bones and joints), and visceral (body organs). Moral Man the Friendly arsonist, motherpounder: I SHALL GLADLY HELP YOU UNLEASH YOUR 12th SENSE TO ITS FULLEST DEGREE!

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was shot In the face. Why did the cow fall out of the tree it was stapled to the monkey.

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What's the difference between Rebecca Black and your mom? Nope! Chuck Testa.

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What do you call a chicken who crosses a road? Nothing, its still a chicken

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How is a raven like a writing desk? Both have absolutely nothing to do with the other one.

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whats the difference between a black man and a cat? you dont run from a cat

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What do the duck and elephant have in common?? Nothing, they are completely different species.

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Yo momma so fat she weighs 400 pounds.

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What happens when you throw a yellow rock into a purple river? it makes a splash

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A bear just broke into my house and im scared…...... Oh wait thats just my 350 pound teacher… now i'm even scareder

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What do u firmly grasp and stroke until u can't go any longer? A shakeweight....

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Why didn't Pat's grandma go to his birthday party? Because she died last night

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A muslim man takes a flight to New York. He lands safely at JFK airport.

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What's red & is bad for your face? A brick.

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What's worse than a bee sting? The holocaust What's worse then the holocaust? Two bee stings

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The Israeli asked the Japanese guy to open his eyes The Japanese guy said, I'm not squinting you crazy Jew. You're the one that sold me these cheap glasses.

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Q:Why is rugby one of the safest sports to play? A: It isn't , it is in fact very dangerous.

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A man walks into a bar........ gets eaten by a lion.

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What's the difference between a Ferrari and a dead baby? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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Roses are red violets are blue shes for me not for u if by chance u talk my place ill grab my fist and smah your face

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What time is it when an elephant jumps over your fence? Actually, elephants don't jump.

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A Polack walks into a bar. Which makes sense because the bar was in Warsaw.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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