What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? An Irishman with a metal bar (like a pole)

What day is it? Asked the man with a gun who dislikes music. Friday. Mostly because yesterday was thursday and tomorrow is Saturday. Sunday comes afterwards also. The man says "oh. I thought it was Tuesday."

What do you call a piece of celery with peanut butter on it? your moms dead

What did the transvestite say to the fox? 'scuse me, you've got something on your shoe.

what are you mike bibby?

Why did little Timmy scrape his knee? He was launched off of an aircraft carrier.

What's worse than a worm in your apple That one time I rapped and killed your mom, oh and happy birthday prick

Why don't woman wear watches? Because there is a clock on the stove!

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't.

A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god." Upon resuscitation the man contemplates his hallucination and becomes an Atheist.

Why are black people scared of chainsaws? Because the chainsaws go run nigga nigga run.

What's the difference between a bowling ball and a sorority girl? You could always eat the bowling ball if you really had to.

What do you call a black pilot? A pilot, you racist.

what is the difference between a baby and a book... The book still has a spine

Why was the blonde confused? Because someone was dressed in a chicken costume throwing pinecones at her.

What do you call a penguin in the desert? Most likely a dead penguin.

How many black teachers does it take to figure out 10 x 30. only one shes a very respected teacher

steven hawking walks into a bar

I got stopped for speeding the other day. The policeman said I had to pay a £50 fine. I was gutted. However, later that night I had amazing sex with my wife, which helped me to take my mind off things a bit.

You're walking down a street and you see a man struggling to open a door, what do you do? Whatever you feel like doing.

Why did the child with one arm shave his head? He is a swimmer.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? None. It is an avian species incapable of throwing such a heavy material as wood.

Why couldn't the woman drive? She was dead.

What did the doctor say to his wife? We have grown apart over the years, I want a divorce.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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