One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMMBBBWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was Tuesday, Popeyes has a special sale buy one get one free fried chicken. The chicken was like "Oh hell no, today's Tuesday? I'm funna get my feathery-asss out of here.." However, chickens do not know what day it is, nor do they care about being captured by humans. I also made up the part when the chicken began talking.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I had some crack, my unicorn says hi.

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Me: Have you ever eaten Ethiopian food? You: No. Me: Neither have they.

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You know what the stupidest country in the world is? Equatorial Guinea

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Jerry Sandusky and two other men are on a cruise ship, when it suddenly starts to sink. The first man says, "save the children!" The second man says, "screw the children!" Jerry Sandusky drowned.

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How many cows does it take to screw in a light bulb? Either one super cow or none because cows don't even have apposable thumbs

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What do a plum and a bunny have in common? They're both purple. Except the bunny.

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What did the comedian say when he fell off the cliff? Nothing; dead beings are incapable of performing actions.

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What's the difference between a porsche and a pile of dead babies. I'd rather had the porsche in my garage

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock -Who's there Not Sarah

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why am I writing this...im bored

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Why was the black man hanging from the tree? He fell and had to grab a branch.

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Why did the mathematician go to jail? Because he killed his wife.

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Whats the worst part about being fat. Your fat.

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What's black and can't swim? A black shirt.

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A white guy drives to Home Depot in order to get supplies for remodeling his kitchen. He notices a few Mexicans standing around outside. He decides not to racially profile them and continues on his own business.

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A blind man walk in to a bar... He then yells a 4 letter explative, backs up, and walks around it.

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A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park in a safe and risk free process.

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What's worse than seeing Charlie sheen in a Turkish bath house? Watching the direct tv commercial for the 100th time today

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How do you fit 76 babies in a bath tub... With a blender. How do you get them back out? With tortilla chips.

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If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45, what does he have? Diabetes. John has diabetes.

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I can prove I'm a psychic - this post is going to receive a lot of dislikes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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