roses are red, hills are green. i know you're ugly and i know I'm so mean.

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Why was the All-black Basketball team disqualified? Because they all died in a hotel fire.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What has two legs and bleeds between them? The back half of a dog with a deep cut in its belly.

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This is a shovels and rakes conversation. No hoes allowed.

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What did Soviet children dream about? Communism.

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A Christian and an atheist are in a bar. Neither one knows the other's religion and they continue to drink.

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What comes after Friday? A ?.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Charles Grodin. Charles Grodin who? Exactly.

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How many blond girls does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1, it is a faily simple task

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Knock knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad your whole family isn't dead from a fatal car accident?

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roses are gray, violets are grayer, f*ck this poem and listen to the slayer.

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Two tomatoes were crossing a road when one of them got hit by a truck. The other said, Carrot.

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A rabi a priest and a gay guy are praying. The rabi says amen the priest says amen the gay guy says ahh men.

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What's the biggest lie you've ever told? "I have read and agree to the Terms of Service"

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Q: Do you know what you can make when you have enough cents? A: Dollars

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Knock Knock! Who's There? Interrupting Doctor Interru--- You Have Cancer...

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What did the catholic priest do to the little boy in the Confessions Took his confessions

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Why did the personal trainer get fired from the gym? He lacked good customer service skills.

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Knock knock I don't even have a door just walk in

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So theres a Black guy, White guy and Mexican guy all sitting at a bar. They were friends.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!!!! lolooloL!OL!olO!LO!Lo!l!LO!L!O11P!lOL!oO!l

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why did the chicken cross the road? because the 99p mcdonalds mayo chicken was popular in the coop.

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A Rabbi walks into a bar. He does not order any alcoholic beverages, because Orthodox Jews aren't allowed to consume alcohol except for certain times and religious customs.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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