Mr. Krabs lives in bikini bottom (pinch pinch)

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Doctor: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that your parents survived the car accident. Kid: And the bad news is? Doctor: I have a horrible sense of humor, they're both dead. I'm so sorry.

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The next sentence is true. The previous statement is false.

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what is big white and hurts when it falls on you out of tree? A refrigerator

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why are there so many peadofiles in the world? sexy kids.

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What did the pineapple say to the apple? Nothing, neither can speak.

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Why was the little girl not allowed to see the pirate movie? It was sold out.

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jeanna:fu** jack:did u just say fu** jeanna:jew? jack:fu** u jew

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If 2 wrongs make a right and 2 rights make a wrong, then when you have 4 rights=2 wrongs, you have a true statement. If you have 8 rights = 4 wrongs, you have a verified statement.

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Barack Obama.

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what do all elephants have in common? they are all monkeys

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Roses are black Violets are black Everything is black I'm blind

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So three black men walk into a bank, one of them uses the ATM, they all proceed to the exit after he is done.

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What's the hardest part of the pizza to eat? The motorbike.

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A black man wearing a belt. Oh, he has a shoelace!

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A horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'why the long face?'. The horse does not answer as it cannot speak or even understand english. It was later destroyed by the government.

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed. I will also remove you from my friends list on Facebook because stealing isn't nice.

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What do you call a white guy in a mostly black neighborhood? His name.

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When will Abe Vigoda be alive again? Never. There will never again be a time when Abe Vigoda will be alive. For example, Abe Vigoda will be dead for the entirety of the year 2038. He will continue to be dead if we move forward to the year 2091, and even if we keep jumping forward throughout history, stopping in the years 2250, 2871, and 3546, we will not land in an era when Abe Vigoda will be alive. Another way to look at this is to imagine Abe Vigoda had died in earlier years. Let's say he had died in 1902. Would he be alive today? The answer, sadly, is no. We get the same answer if we suppose Abe Vigoda had died in 1822, 1715, or ~ 85,200,000 BPE. To sum up, it is not precisely accurate to say that Abe Vigoda will be dead for a very long time. That implies a limit on the amount of time he will be dead. There is no limit.

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What's big and looks like a mushroom? A Mushroom.

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Your momma's so fat she has a hard time finding clothes to fit

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A dog walked into a bar. He was a trained seeing-eye dog leading a man who had been blind since a tragic industrial accident a year before.

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What's funny about anti-jokes? Nothing.

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A Irish leaves and bump in to a really tall the Irish sorry boss

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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