You're walking down a street and you see a man struggling to open a door, what do you do? Whatever you feel like doing.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What did the blade of grass say to the other blade of grass? Nothing, as grass does not have the capability of speaking and does not have a brain, all it has is a complex life system where it feeds off water. If it were to say anything though, it would say, "Hey! We're both blades of grass!"

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What is Kanye West's favorite type of sea-food? Lobster Bisque with a side of french fries.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

mirror mirror on the wall who has the most desire of them all? Matt Daly!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Male orgasm (haha bitches we've been faking it)

thumb_up thumb_down -8

There was a blonde, brunette, and a redhead. They are spending a relaxing afternoon together as a result of being restricted to their heavy therapeutic sessions which they are constantly in need of because all three have been diagnosed with clinic depression since everyone jokes about them so much and in conclusion, they don't see each other very often.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

So Bob walked into his house after a long day at work and layed a rope on his bed. A few hours later his wife came home and found a beautiful tire swing in their backyard but her husband shot him self in his throat.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Women's Soccer.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the chicken cross the road? It had completed its task on the aforementioned other side and was returning back to the coop for a feeding now that the sun had set.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do pebbles and Batman have in common. They're both pebbles. Except Batman.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

I like my coffee like I like my women. Ground up and in the freezer

thumb_up thumb_down -8

I found my car in the lot with a broken tail-light and a note under the windscreen wipers. I accidentally reversed into your car, Lots of people saw me do it. They all think I'm writing down my name and details, Well, I'm not.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the elephant cross the road? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Roses are red violets are blue, your library book is overdue, and if you dont pay the fine...i'll punch you in the mouth.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How many babies can you fit in a blender? None, the blender is too small. Also it is illegal to kill a baby infant because they are considered human. You can get life in prison or the death penalty for committing such a heinous crime.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

One I grabbed a lump of coal, and crushed it with such strength, that a human being was born out of it. That man is today known as Chuck Norris. Nero.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the teacher fall on her face? She was shot in the back of her head.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What magical power enables Spongebob to talk? There is no magical power. he is a cartoon therefore making him be able to anything in anyone's wild dreams.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Roses are Red Violets are blue Shut up I'm watching Re-runs of FRIENDS.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What's worse then getting socks on Christmas? Being murdered by a bear.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

My mom says hi ............ Jk she says hello

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Jimmy: Knock, knock, Grandmother: Who's there? Jimmy: Jimmy Grandmother: Jimmy who? And then Jimmy held back tears as he knew grandmother's Alzheimer's disease was getting worse.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A man stops another man on the street in Manhattan and asks "How do I get to Carnegie Hall ?" The other man gives him direction, including which subway stop to get off at.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops