How do you keep children off your lawn? Touch them.

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A dyslexic walks into church and asks the priest. "Father is there a dog."

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Guy 1: What the shit is that car? Guy 2: Its not a car. It's an alfa romeo

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What did the wall say to the other wall? Nothing, walls are inanimate things therefore it cannot talk.

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Two men stay at the bar all night drinking non stop. They soon are rushed to the hospital to get their stomachs pumped.

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Your mother is so fat she has to have her clothing specially ordered, this brought her to a massive credit card bill and made your entire family bankrupt.

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What brown and squishy? um um um um melted kit-kats

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I am pleased and honored to hear you speak that beautifully straight from your heart Nero, you are without equal, unmatched. And he who is unmatched, also stands alone.

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Why did the student get expelled from a Christian school? He continually beat other students between class periods.

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If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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What's faster than a Mexican running down the street with your TV? An airplane

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An Aussie, American and Englishman were all drinking beer on a plane to Hawaii. All 3 of them were very excited for their vaction, which they all saved hard for and their breaks from work were well deserved.

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What is the color of your spleen? I dont know i'm not a doctor

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What did the empty bar stool say to the one next to him? "You look like you have a lot on your shoulders!"

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Once upon a time there was a man that was exercising and he pulled a muscle and had to have his arm removed. The end.

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It's 4/20. You know what that means? Today is a Wednesday

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Knock knock. Who's there? Bob, your neighbor. Okay, come in.

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Why did the kid jump? He didn't.

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What is pink and stuffy? Pink stuff

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Knock knock Who's there? Doctor Doctor who? Doctor Adams. You called me about your father's stroke.

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What did Stephen Hawking say to his daughter? Nothing, his illness prevents him from talking. And letting a high-tech wheelchair make human sounds isn't talking!!!

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Dear Jim, I have a problem with my Hymen... "Jim'll fix it for you..."

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What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench? Almost everything.

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Knock knock Who's there? Boo AHHH A GHOST D:

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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