A young couple just gave birth to their first child and the doctor says, I’ve good some good news and some bad news, what do you want first? Give us the bad news first, the parents reply. Your baby has red hair, says the doctor. Well whats the good news, ask the parents. It’s dead.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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Why did the man die when he saw the light? It was a strobe light and he died from an epileptic seizure

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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Why did Jimmy pass out Cause he drank a full tallboy

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In Soviet Russia you don't drive car, because the Soviet Union was disbanded in 1991

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-Is this the Krusty Krab? -Yes, how can I help you?

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"knock knock" "who's there" *no answer* Opens door to find dead wife lying on doorstep with 'lol' stamped on forehead

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How many Cancer patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. Cancer does not affect one's ability to install light bulbs.

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Ever heard of carpel tunnel? Well after that girl it was more like carpal toungal

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A dyslexic man walks into a bar. He than orders some drinks.

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What did the black man say to the Jew? Hi.

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a jewish person sees a nickel on a sidewalk and continues walking.

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What rude names do you call a girl with no limbs? Anything you want they can't touch you

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What did the kid with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Nothing, he died.

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why did susie fall off the dollar coaster? it only cost 50 cents susie is gone now

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WHY IS THIS SENTENCE CAPITALIZED? BECAUSE CAPS LOCK IS ON.

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Why can't the blonde dial 911? The battery on her phone is dead and she needs to recharge it. (Good thing there's no emergency.)

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What do you do with a Jewish kid with add( attention deficits disorder)? Send him to a concentration camp

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What happens when you run over a black man? It is most likely that he is killed.

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how many Ethiopians can you fit in a bathtub? all of them.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Roses are red Violets are blue, Eat my anus with a spoon.

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The global news

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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