I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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Why did the accident happen? The breaks on the car stopped working. Why did the breaks stop working? The driver was drunk.

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What did the doctor say to his patient? You have stage IV Ovarian Cancer.

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First speaker: "why are there so many anti-jokes about something walking into a bar!?!? Second speaker: "there are only a couple thousand of them." First speaker: "it is getting so damn annoying!" Second speaker: "Well, that's too bad for you" The first speaker proceeds in stabbing himself with a knife while laughing hysterecly. First speaker: "ha ha ha ha" Second speaker "emo."

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a man walks into a bar. he gets a beer and talks to his friends. he then goes home.

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Albert, there is a dead, FLY in your hair.

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How do you torture Helen Keller? Give her a cheese-grater and tell her it's a book.

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A man walks into a bar and takes a seat at the bar stool. He then proceeds to look over and said a man in a suit and tie open up the window , jumps, and begins to float in mid air. In amazement he approaches the man. He says " That's amazing! How do you do that?" The man in the suit and tie replies "Drink this liquid and you will be able to fly." The man with excitement quickly rushes to the window, opens it, and suddenly falls to his death. The bartender says to the man with the suit and tie " Superman, you're a real dick when your drunk."

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What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs, consdiering as disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion)

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How do you beat a black in sports. "shot him when the game starts"

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Roses are red violets are blue What the heck do flowers Have to do with You?

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why was the girl eating a pie , because she were hungry

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Roses are blurred Violets too I have astigmatism I cant see shit

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Q: Do you know how to save a black man from drowning? A: No. GOOD!

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who's a knob,a liar, and systematically ruining a once well-run family football club by employing crooks , buying footballers who are well-passed there sell-out date and getting the team relegated ? steve kean not laughing ? nor are 23 ,000 others

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A man walks into a pizza place and orders a pizza. When he got the pizza, he saw it had pepporonis on it. He liked that, so he ate the pizza.

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What's the difference between a volleyball and a tree? They're both volleyballs except for the tree.

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What`s pink and fluffy? Pink fluff What did the banana say to the ear? Hello

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Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.

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Why did Marilyn Manson surgically remove 2 ribs from his body? To suck his own penis.

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Guess what my nephew said yesterday? oh wait, i forgot hes dead..

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PENIS lol

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Why did the other reindeer make fun of Rudolph? He had a small penis

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What would the Swatch be called if it was made by a Croatian company? A Crwatch.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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