You're so sweet I have diabetes

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what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? nothing, you already told her twice.

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What did the man on the moon say? Nothing. He died because his supply of oxygen ran out.

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What did the anorexic order for dinner? Nothing

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A snail buys a car from a dealership, and then asks the manager if he could paint a large S on the side of the car. The manager agrees, and the snail drives away. From the parking lot, the manager sees the car go straight on to the highway and get hit by a truck. Unfortunately, snails cannot drive.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, when the bass droped, my balls did too.

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What's disabled and red all over. The kid I hit with my car.

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What did the boy say when be landed in the bottom of the well, nothing he was dead.

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a horse walks into an abandoned lighthouse , the lighthouse keeper is angered by this and ushers the horse to leave but the horse gets startled and kicks the mans bookshelf over before galloping away

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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READ IT ALL> whats the difference between a jew and a pizza...the jew is a human with living features and organs that keep his body hydrated while also keeping his blood pumped throughout him, otherwise the pizza is a circular, doe based cake like food topped with a fine layer of cheese and in some cases topped of with other substances such as pineapple or ham :)

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What do you call a cat up a tree in a party hat? A cat up a tree with a party hat

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A black man and a white man walk into a job interview. Neither of them get the job due to lack of skill in the field.

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What's the difference between a ferrari and pile of dead babies? I don't have a ferrari in my garage.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the sidewalk he was on does not.

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What's red and bad for youur teeth? A brick.

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Yo mama is so fat that she has to eat low calorie foods because she wants to lose weight.

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Why can't Timmy go on any rollercoasters? Because he's morbidly obese and it would a safety hazard.

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How do you stop a train? You stand in front of it.

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Why did Tommy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms. Knock knock Who's there? Not Tommy.

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Q. Why dont people like shane murchan ? A. Because he wears chinos .....

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Most poems rhyme, But his one doesn't.

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Chuck Norris tried to return some jeans to Target and when they didn't give him his money he kickeed them in the face.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilate was a loaf of bread.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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