A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

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Chuck Norris has normal human strength.

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How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? One.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I am adopted And so are you

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Why was the boy seeing stars? It was night time.

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42

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Fight fire with with fire! That would be impossible, it'd just make the fire bigger. And probably kill you.

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Kinky = using a feather Perverted = using the whole chicken Weird = using chicken bones Downright disgusting = all of the above, plus a cat

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Q: whats the difference between a t.v and a dead baby? A: i don't have a t.v in my garage

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knock knock who's there funny funny who a funny joke

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roses are blue violets are red crap i screwed up dont judge me

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Roses are red violets are blue I'm gonna rape you with a stick

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What does a penguins wear on it's feet? Nothing penguins are incapable of wearing foot wear, also they do not have feet they are called 'flippers'.

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French man: Bonjour! English man: um, i am not french! french man: oh, My chat is on this beautiful country! Her name is Valentina! English man: What you poo in the open and name them?

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What's the difference between a park bench and a black man? Nothing. They're both capable of supporting a family of three.

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Wanna here a funny joke? Will is straight HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA hes gay

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1,000 americans jump off a plane. They all die as a result of not having parachutes.

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woman's lacrosse

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What's the difference between a black man and a bench? The bench isnt going anywhere.

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What's facial hair? Hair that slowly progresses to grow out of certain areas on your face.

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Why is Osama dead? He got shot.

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Q: Why did the guy fall off his bike? A: He got shot!

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Chuck Norris was so famous we was casted for the show Walker, Texas Ranger

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What is worse than a nuke exploding? Going to the hospital and finding out you have cancer and aids.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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