Timmy's mom is an alcoholic. His dog is asleep in the backyard. Timmy asks his mother, "Why is our dog sleeping?" His mother replies, "It's not sleeping, its dead."

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A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver’s license. He has to take an eye test. They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. “Can you read this?” the optician asks. “Read it?” the Polish guy replies, “No, sir. Allow me to put on my glasses."

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Don't you hate when you finger your belly button and your nipples exploed?

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding an apple-sized tumor in your colon.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The Gestapo

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Something strange in you're neighborhood. Who you gonna call? The police.

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What did the southern uncle say to his nephew when he woke up? Good morning, son.

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Detroit has a low crime rate

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Q: what did the old man do to the little boy in his dark cellar while babysitting on a stormy night? A: told him to hold a flashlight because the power went out and he needed to find his electric generator.

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A man walks into a police station with a gun... He is there to turn it in, he found it on the side of the road and realized that this situation would best be handled by the proper authorities.

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A man is walking down the street in Chicago. A man in a car pulls up next to him and asks him, "Excuse me sir, how do I get to Carnegie Hall?", at which the man on the street said, "Go straight here, turn onto Birch, follow that to the second stop light, then turn left on Main, big complex, can't miss it." "Thank you!"

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Here's a joke for you, my life...

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What's white and black and red all over A nun with a spear throug her head

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Why was the boy seeing stars? It was night time.

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We're sorry, but something went wrong. We've been notified about this issue and we'll take a look at it shortly.

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Whats black and yellow and is funny when its falling off a cliff? A bus full of niggers.

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Two fish were lying on a bank. One said "I can't breath." The other one was dead.

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How many blondes can you fit in a car? About 5 if you lift the arm rest.

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what's hotter than my cousin's girlfriend? I don't know. she's remarkably hot. like, one of the hottest people I personally know.

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Knock Knock the door's open, come in

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A man asked a guy in a store for football cleats The guy got all confused because footballs cannot wear cleats

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Having a giant, angry ape on steroids rip your heart out and eat it before your eyes as you painfully die from the unbearable pain and rapid blood loss.

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Q:what do u call a dead baby tied to my feet? A:new shoes

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a tomato

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops