How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but he may forget to finish the task due to his Alzheimer's.

Hi, how are you doing? Good, yourself? Fine, thanks. Have a nice day. You too, bye.

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Well, that's going to be some horrible lemonade if life doesn't also give you water and sugar.

You: Want to hear a joke? Person: Yeah You: Me too

Q: My hands are queefing vaginas A: Milk isn't wearing underwears

What do you get when you mix a elephant and a rhino? A nasty tasting smoothie.

If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be. He could not be. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. He's either in great danger or has a psychological disorder.

How do you have se with hellen keller? Very sweetly

antijoke is the best website.

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Q: What's orange, hairy, and covered with gasoline? A: Definitely not a chair.

Wooooah! Thats literally the sound I made, anyway, can you like type the entire story in one setting, I feel weird, did you just try to hypnotize me? Anyway, are you trying to, woah, I am like high now...

What did God say when he made the first black person? I have just added a significant element of diversity to the human species. Intolerance between ethnicities will surely prove to be an obstacle in societal progression, creating hardships for many. I know this because I am God.

Roses are blue, Violets are red, I have to go to the bathroom now...

"I see," said the deaf man, to the blind man, who had no ears.

What do you call a Jew picking up a quarter on the street? A very nice man because a homeless man just dropped that and he was trying to return it. Rob W

Why did little Billy not eat all his carrots? He does not care about his vision.

why was 6 afraid of 9? because 7 ate 9 and 6 is afraid of ghosts

What do you call a Muslim on the moon? An astronaut

Why can't dinosaurs talk? Because they're all dead

Why did Susie fall off the swings? Because she was hit by a truck.

A man asks a young boy to get in his van. The kid, being very well-educated tells the man he cannot talk to strangers. So, the man tells the kid he understands, and drives away to another nearby child.

Whats better than throwing a baby off a building? Catching it with a pitchfork.

A family walks into a talent agent's office. They do a cute family-friendly performance that they call "The Aristocrats."

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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