How do you make a person cry? Burn his family.

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Sir, do you know what time it is? Yes, it is 5:15 PM

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A family has been forced out of their house by ghosts. Who are they gonna call?... Their insurance company.

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Why? Because.

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what did the jew get for christmas? nothing Jewish people don't celebrate christmas

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Q: If two lesbians are in a relationship, who makes the sandwiches? A: They both do.

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Why is Obama Care a lie? Cuz he doesn't care!

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Knock knock! Who's there? IT DOESN'T MATTER, YOU'RE NOT COMING TO MY HOUSE!!!! *closes door*

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Twitter: @TotalJokes: "So it's been 11 years since the planes hit the world trade centre, time really does fly by."

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Whats the same about a jew and firewood? They both burn.

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what's blue , and you can urinate on it ? a rim block.

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69

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Facilitator huh? Sounds like someone that kills someone standing in the way, or bribes off others.

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A guy, arriving at the pearly gates of Heaven, asks St. Peter "Why did I die? Why me." St. Peter replies: "You died the same way everyone does. Lack of oxygen to the brain."

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Don`t be mean? WOMAN! DO YOU NOT HOW TERRIBLE THE DEMAND YOU MAKE IS? ...Fine alright, I wont leave you hanging then... So I wont call. Moral: "Seriously though, I am leaving too, but I want the top comment"

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What did the man say when an pterodactyl flew into the kitchen while he was having breakfast? Huh, that's strange.

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Ever heard of carpel tunnel? Well after that girl it was more like carpal toungal

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Why did the man commit suicide? He was depressed.

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Why did the girl talk to her computer? Because she was Skyping with some faraway friends. Why were her friends far away? She was sent to the moon. Why was she sent to the moon? Because she tried to create eternal night.

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Patient: Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Doctor: That's because you are. Patient: Wow, I need to lay off the mushrooms.

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What's the difference between a red door and a blue door? Fat black people.

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Yo mama's so skinny, she should probably go in for eating disorders' counseling.

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What is the difference between being a serial killer and a doctor? I'm not a doctor.

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Remember that part where Jesus gets angry at a fig three and kills it because it "was lazy" for refusing to grow figs at winter? Brother Jeez, that was kinda mean man! You know it was winter rite? Anti Joke or not, that part is funny, so if Jesus returns and wants you to make him a sammich you better go get that goddamn sammich!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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