A baby seal walks into a club. :|

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9/11 my birthday

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What do you call a girl with no legs? Disabled.

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Why did Rachel fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Rachel.

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How do you tickle a tree? you dont you are a schizo stop kicking leaves

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Why couldn't the 13 year old get into the pirate movie? He has cancer and is dying in the hospitable.

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person 1: hey! guess what? person 2: what? person 1: i once saw a brown polar bear

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So a penguin walks into a bar. Penguin's have been affected by global warming so much that they decide to drink away as they near their final hours.

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Knock knock Get off my porch homo

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Knock Knock, Who's There? Not Ann Frank because she died in the Holocaust along with 6 million other innocent people.

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What's black and white and red all over? A mime that got hit by a truck.

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Whats black and white and red all over? My wife, i constantly beat her and I should probably be arrested for it if she didnt love me so much

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You are in an airplane, and you have 500 bricks. You throw one out the door. How many do you have? 499. What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a fridge? 1-open the door,2-put the elephant in,3-close the door. How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? You open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, and shut the door. The lion king is having a party for all the animals… which one didn't go? The giraffe, it's in the fridge. An old lady is trying to cross an alligator infested river. She makes it over. How? The alligators are at the party. She dies anyway. How? She gets hit by the brick you threw out of the window.

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Q: Why don't chicken breasts have nipples? A: because if you freeze them, they will pop the package.

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A man is walking on the beach and discovers a lamp in the sand. He takes it home to polish it. Eventually it looks like new and he gets a fairly reasonable price from an antique shop.

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who's specky and stinks of shit? josh moran

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how do you kill justin bieber? put a bag over his head and suffercate him.

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What's worse than a baby nailed to a tree? Ten babies nailed to a tree. What's worse than ten babies nailed to a tree? One baby nailed to ten trees.

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Jesse uses a prescription shampoo called " greasey poop" because he feels like his hair doesnt look greasy enough. He cries himself asleep every night because he wants a slim body like the rest of the cool kids, so he eats his pain away, which digs him an even deeper hole. the life of Jesse zigenbein is quite tragic to say the least. Please donate 10$ to the "eat ourselves to sleep" campaign

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What do you call a cat up a tree in a party hat? A cat up a tree with a party hat

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What's the difference between a pheromone and a hormone? Hormones are secreted internally and trigger various biochemical pathways that cause certain effects. We all are familiar with the effects of testosterone and estrogen, both on the anatomy, and behaviour of humans. Pheromones are secreted externally, and have an effect on another creature in similar ways. Usually they have to do with attracting sexual partners or changing a sex partners behaviour or body in some way.

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A man walks into a bar with his dog. He orders 14 shots and proceeds to drink. For each shot he takes, he feeds one to his dog, who accepts it willingly. The bartender says "Well I've never seen anything stranger. Why did you order 14 shots, and why are you giving half to your dog." "Well," says the man, "my 14 year old dog was diagnosed with a fatal heart condition. I cannot afford to put him down, so the shots should kill him." The dog then dies.

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what do you call a person who rides a bike a lot? BATMAN!!! -s.s

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A man walks into his cubicle and sits down. After a long day of work, he goes home and happens to die whilst eating dinner.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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