Your mother is so fat that when she goes to the movies, she usually orders popcorn and maybe a drink.

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What's green fury has 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you. A pool-table

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Have you heard the one about the dead guy? Neither has he.

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How many babies does it take to paint a barn? It depends on how hard you throw them

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Why couldn't the Mexican man get a job? Because he was dead.

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Why did Justin Bieber jump out of the airplane? He didn't, i pushed him

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What did the golfer do on his vacation? He played golf.

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If a tree falls on a woman and there is no one around to hear it, she was probably lonely.

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My granddad fell down the stairs the other day... Yeh, we didn't find it very funny either.

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What did the depressed teenage fat kid do to resolve his issues? Commited suicide.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Chickens have no sense of direction, he might have thought he was in wal-mart for all I care.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get to the other side

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Q: What do you call an underground train full of professors? A: It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")? When a picnic is postponed due to rain, or hired entertainment becomes unavailable at the last minute due to illness, or a book ends badly having started out well.

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Why can't the orphan play baseball? He can't find home.

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So you're floating down a river on a two story canoe. How many pancakes does it take to cover a dog house? Four because snakes have no legs.

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roses are red violets are blue maskrosor are gula

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A man walks into a bar and breaks his nose, he asks the bartender for help The bartender says "no you're a f***ing idiot"

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Just aids, and gonnoreah, and... Jk, I wont type it here, and I am not "suffering" from nothing, its a condition, it can be a struggle, and yeah it could turn fatal, on the bright side its not contagious (its genetics, flawed genetics) but on the bright side, so far chances are greater of me dying from a giant meteor falling on me as I sleep, than from this... Not disease, genetic flaw, take it from a guy that was born without toenails, has two eardrums and some weird tiny holes on his ears (I can send you a pic of those tiny weird holes, they are not weird, kinda cute I been told and can say so myself) so you calm yet?

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scenario: two teddy bears wrestling under water question: how many apples does it take to tussel with a potato answer: 96 becouse pillows dont eat chease

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Your big dick.

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what do you call a deer with no eyes? Blind

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Why does Michael J. Fox always have his martinis shaken? He thinks they taste better that way.

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My dad calls me a son of a bitch and I'm like "hey! You married her"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops