What does Yoko Ono say while rehearsing her song before a concert? She gives directions to the band.

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What do you call a boy with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob What do you call that same kid when he's at your doorstep? Matt What do you call that same kid when he's hanging in your room? I don't know, but you should stop calling him names.

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Why did the blond woman sell her water skis? She was in a horrible accident and will never walk again.

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What starts with F and ends with UCK? FUCK

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Mexicans don't use lightbulbs because they can't afford them.

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Your mother is so fat that she is considered morbidly obese. In fact, she should seriously consider a weight loss diet to reduce her risk of heart disease and diabetes.

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What do you call a black guy who wins a race? A winner

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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I was going to write a joke about procrastination, but I haven't gotten to it yet.

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why did sally drown? because she had no arms or legs and couldn't swim

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why did the white man walk into the bar? He was thirsty

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A Japanese Nuclear Scientist goes to the swimming pool, and buys a ticket. He went to the changing rooms and proceeded to have a lovely bit of exercise, which helped him burn off the calories from his carbohydrate based luncheon.

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Hey babe, did it hurt when the doctor cut off your umbilical cord when your mother gave birth to you. Because I have a bellybutton too!

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Whats brown and sticky? A stick.

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2 Men Walk Into A Bar, I Forget The Rest.

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What did Sally get for chirstmas? Cancer

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So a guy says to his dog "hey man when you piss in the toilet can you please flush, just because I don't like to look at your pee." then the dog sits back and says "...woof !!"

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What does these 3 words all have in common? terrifiant, hrollvekjandi, Przera?aj?ce They all mean the same thing describing Ian! CREEPY

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What has 3 eyes, green fur and blue ears? Nothing.

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Is your refrigerator running? Yes. Okay

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What did Sally get for Christmas? Who's Sally?

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What's blue and smells like sky? Sky

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Haiku doesn't rhyme, And neither does this

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"You know what sucks?" "Vaccuumes?" "You know what metaforically sucks?" "Black holes?" "You know what just isn't cool?" "Lava?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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