Q:What do you call a cow with no legs? A:A hamburger.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What has two legs, but can't walk? Half a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the drunk homeless man get for his birthday? Liver cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What is stupid, black and high? A stupid black kite.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Knock knock! Who's there? Bob Hi bob, come inside. And next time just use the doorbell

thumb_up thumb_down +6

If i knew people where coming i would have trimed my antlers

thumb_up thumb_down +6

An american, a brit and a mexican are on a plane. The brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!". The mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!". The american proceeds to throw the mexican out of the plane. "Why did you do that?!" exclaimed the brit. The american turned around. "He killed my wife."

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What’s the difference between a frog and a duck? One is a frog and one is a duck.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: What's the best part of having sex with twenty-seven year olds? A: By age twenty-seven the average person has reached sexual maturity, and has also developed mentaly enough to understand, and subsequently process the intimate nature of an adult relationship.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Relax, it simply would not be working out for you if your mother was nearby, you see, the subconcious is limited by the concious mind, so if your subconcious can detect your mother (or anyone but me nearby) your conscious mind goes "uh oh" and it stops. Oh, right, and considering you can still type, how about we increase the effect into... I dunno, six billion? Yeah six billion. Anyway, the next time you want to experience it, just poke your nose, and since we do not want you to poke your nose off, you only do it once and you can yourself decide when it ends, at this level you should not be able to type, but if you want to type you can of course turn it off.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Do't you just hate when a sentence doesn't end how you think it will and it just octopus.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

MAKE

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I have a little dog. She likes being tossed high into the air. I need a new little dog as the last one was caught by a gust carrying here over the sound-dividing highway wall and dropped into traffic.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

An alligator was found wearing a vest. The investigator had no comment... As alligators are incapable of speech. ^^^

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did Sally fall off the swings? She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Laughter is the best medicine. Not for cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

what did the girl say after her boyfriend proposed? she said no because they've still got a lot of stuff to deal with before they even consider getting married and he seriously needs to get a job and dump his other girlfriend.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's johnny's favorite bedtime story? The sound of the subway. Johnny and his father are homeless and can't afford bedtime stories

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: It doesn't matter what you call him, he isn't going to come.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How do you pick up girls in Auschwitz? With a dustpan

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Your momma is so black, that her melanin levels are relatively high.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Roses are red Oranges are orange Nothing rhymes with orange Forever alone

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Knock Knock. Who's there? It's the nazis we have reason to suspect that you are harboring illegal jewish fugitives and would like to check your house if it isn't too much trouble on your part.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops