Timmy needed to use the restroom in class, so he raised his hand and asked, "Can I go use the restroom?". The teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Timmy said, "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

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If we had some ham, we could have ham and eggs; if we had some eggs.

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What do you a black man who isn't flying a plane? Well, that depends on his occupation.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The police, you murdered ten people.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: Where's my tractor

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Why did the black man cross the road? To get to the chicken!

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What is my cats favorite college? Harvard

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How do you put an elephant in a refridgerator? Go to your local zoo with a shotgun, shoot to kill, load elephant in Uhaul, drive home, remove elephant from Uhaul, sharpen your ax, put on mask to pevent excessive blood on face, begin to chop elephant into small chunks, put the chunks into ziplock bags, call a friend to help you move bags into refridgerator, and move bags into refridgerator. Once all the bags are in the refridgerator, dismiss your friend, get in car, and drive to mexico because killing an elephant is not legal and the police will be there soon. Now as for the giraffe...

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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What do you call a black guy that feeds children? A waiter

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A blindman walks into a bar... then a chair, then a pole

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Whats worse than having cancer? Nothing....

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Where did the Smith family spend their weekend together? At the father's funeral.

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Whats the difference between a white man and a black man? black people have more melanin in their skin causing it to pigment and turn black

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Bacon makes everything delicious, yes? And coffee makes everything exciting, yes? Put the two together and you get a caffeinated porky roller coaster in your mouth.

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Q : How many babies do you need to paint a wall A : It depends on how hard you throw

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if you are reading this your wasting your time

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PLEASE HELP IM TRAPPED IN SOME GUYS HOUSE PLEASE SOMEBODY HAS TO SEE THIS IF I TEXT HE WILL SEE IT IM AT

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How many eskimos does it take to build an igloo? It depends... probably about six or seven.

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Why did the baby duck cry? Because his family just got ran over by a truck

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what did jake say to the priest? hmmm, salty

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what did the african say after he got beat by the cops? wow i really shouldn't have sliced that mans head off.

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How do you end a sentence

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"What time is it?" "Time to buy a watch." The homeless man inquiring about the time proceeded to cry.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops