This guys grandma comes to live with him. While shes there she has a stroke. He rushes her to the hospital and waits for her to come out of surgery. The doctor comes out and says "i got good news and bad news" The guy says " give me the bad news" the doctor says "your grandma has had a massive stroke and wont be able to go to the bathroom by herself or eat by herself, so you'll have to feed her baby food and change her Diaper for the rest of her life." So then the guy goes " well shit whats the good news" The doctor goes "Ahh im just kidding she died"

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My two friends Larry and Paul are both race horses. They were getting ready for a big race to quolify them for the Kentucky durby. BANG! The race started! What. Close race! First it was Larry then Paul then Larry then Paul! And finally Larry came out and won it! Paul went to the winners circle and congratulated Larry. He said "hey great job Larry but next time after you come back from touring will you let me win?" Larry says "oh! Of course this couldn't get between us! We're like two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket. We're best friends"... So when he came back from touring Larry said it was great! And promised let Paul win. BANG the race started! It was Paul then Larry then Paul then Larry won again. Paul was a little mad that he he didn't win but he went to congratulate larry anyway. Larry said next time he was deffinetly going to let Paul win, because he wasn't gonna let this get between them because they are two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket, they are best friends. Then after Larry came back from touring he promised again he would let Paul win. BANG! The race started and it was Paul then Larry! Then Paul! Larry! Paul! Then larry won. Paul at this point furious went to the winners circle. He talked to Larry "Larry why didn't you let me win for the third time!? This is just your ego trying to win every time now!?" I didn't want them to fight so I chimed in "Larry, Paul! Please don't fight! Your two peas in a pod! Closer then bread in a basket! Your best friends!! You don't want to fight like this!" Larry turned to Paul and said "Hey look! A talking dog!"

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Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because you touch yourself at night.

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Q: Why was Luigi sad? A: Because he entered the Twilight Zone.

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Why did the blonde's parents take away her car? She didn't pay for half the insurance like she said she would.

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What the difference between a rabbit an a eagle? They both fly except for the rabbit

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A pengiuin walked into a bar. Just kidding, it waddled at an increasingly fast rate.

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What did one cow say to the other cow? Nothing. Cows do not possess the ability to speak.

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what do you call a mexican being baptized? a mexican becoming christian.

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What do you call a man with no arms an no legs in the ocean? Bob What do you call the same man on your front porch? Matt What do you call the same man on your wall? Art

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what did the judge say to the lawyer during a trial. He said We are all in a court. thus concluding that the judge was retarted.

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a guy fell off a roof of a mansion he died his family cried F.Y.I i have Alzheimers toilet monster

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Why does a squirel swim on his back? Because it was trying to keep his nuts clean

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Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

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DEAD ON KANE ITS BEEN ALL YOU ABD CAOIMHIN

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were you expecting a joke

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Cody went to the store. Big Floppy Donkey Dick.

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What's 100 times worse that finding an worm in your Apple listening to Justin B. Sing! :-)

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Lance Armstrong gets on a bike

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Never mail in your wished to a genie, he may be dyslexic.

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What do you call a man with a diploma? A high school graduate.

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Yolo Pierre because of Etzio tickle shits faggatron and individual nut join forces to become the shit suckers

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I do u blow up a house U put dynamite in it

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your friend is so gay that he cuts of dicks as his part time job. and enjoys it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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