Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Due to the height of the fall, one of his ribs pierced his heart and he also suffered extensive head trauma and internal bleeding due to the force when he hit the floor, where he lay in agony for several hours before dying a slow, painful death.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the asian driver crash his car? Because he was driving while intoxicated.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why shouldn't I go out today? Well I haven't done any work today. Actually no. It's not that. I'd have to ask my guardian Sally to bring out the wheelchair, and well, I'm afraid of her. She beats me. My hobbies are playing football, watching Loose Women and looking at pictures of Gary Barlow on Google Images.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I told my friend one of these anti-jokes, he took it seriously and beat my head with a bat.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

There was once a family of termites. There was a Papa termite, a Mama termite, and a baby termite, called Motor. One day they reached a big fat log, and they decided they'd bore through. So first went Papa. Bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore...then out came Papa! Next came Mama. Bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore...then out came Mama! Last came Motor. Bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore...then out bored Motor!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What is the different between going to church and reading a newspaper? You can take your shoes off when you read a newspaper.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

My friend came in the barber's shop and asked me to cut his hair for him, i always have rude banter with him and i made a joke about his big bate nose. He acused me of calling him Jewish and threatened to sue me. This is how i found out that he was a white supremisist.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I meant to state that I threatened to kill him unless he refused to state that I broke his knees (and broke his wrists, I forgot to mention that too, such misery... ...Give a real man a chance here, its not every day I have to kill my mother... But you still wont hear me whining about it, asked my wife if she forgave me if I spent the rest of the day smirking, after all my mother "had visions" where my wife was Satan, which is fun, since I was also Satan the day I was born... Because my name is Nero... A NAME SHE GAVE ME! Still, not very dignifying getting the shit beat out that old hag because she was on some blend of angel dust, and still not so fun killing her by biting half her neck off... ...Literally not so fun, kinda fun? You bet, tasted disgusting, watching her choke to death was...Lets just say I have shared enough joy with you for one day.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How do you get a tissue to dance. You don't.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

why did a bunch of black kids play in a pile of leafs? to have fun :)

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I got on a bus, and immediately found that sitting on a bus is boring. I will never climb on top of a bus again.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a tomato.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Do you want icecream, Björn?

thumb_up thumb_down -9

how many shit jokes do you need to make before you realize that random does not equal funny? TOO FUCKING MANY

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What is red and fluffy?... Your teddy bear covered in blood...

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Roses are red Violets are blue some poems rhyme this one doesn't

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I don't really like holocaust jokes because my grandpa was in it. Yeah he was drunk and fell off his guard tower.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why do elephants paint there feet yellow? so they can hide in mustard bottles. Have you ever seen an elephant in a mustard bottle? exactly

thumb_up thumb_down -9

why did the chicken cross the road it didn't it got hit y a car

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's the difference between a pile of dead baby's and a Cadillac? I don't have a Cadillac in my garage...

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why are there so many anti-jokes about refrigerators? Because the writer of the joke was pressured by terrorists that would kill him if he didn't write about refrigerators.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Knock Knock! Who's there? Steven. Steven who? Steven your neighbor, may I please come in?

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What did the woman say to the man before she had sex with him? "May I have sex with you, please?"

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How do you know when everybody on a plane crash is dead ? When your the only one who walked out

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops