How do you kill a fat guy Keep giving him food he'll die eventually.

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Q. what is your favorite food? A. Chicken, burritos, sandwich, rice, hot dog, turkey, duck, carrot, broccoli, eggplant, apple, blueberry, pear, raspberry, blackberry, orange, grapes fries, chips, cheese, pretzels, worms, and candy canes.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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How many fat people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to hold the ladder, another to screw it in. The third one stands to the side, just in case it breaks.

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Why did the skeleton not get invited to the party? Because he was a heroin addict

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Why did the woman scream when she saw her brother? Because he had just come back from fighting in the Iraq war and she was extremely happy to see that he's alright

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I want some pudding. but I didn't have my meat. how can I have pudding?

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Why was Timmy strong? Because his dad injected steroids through his asshole.

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Q: If you see a gipsy drowning, what will you throw him?! A: His family.

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Q: What's not funny and has three wheels? A: The Holocaust, I lied about the wheels and not being funny.

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Father "Why so down son?" Son "I've always been this short..."

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Whats worse than a creep? ..... Paul sweeney!

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I couldn't decide whether to buy a pepperoni or a meat feast pizza? So i got neither and my two year old son died of starvation.

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What did the black man say to the fat Irish lady? Hi.

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Q: How do you find the population of Mexico? A: Take a census

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whats brown and sticky a stick

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What did the ghost say when it stubbed its toe? Ow

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Why didn't the blonde hook up with the business man? Because he was a raging alcoholic and a severe smoker who was incapable of looking after his 3 kids and he has gone to jail 3 times for public nudity and beating his wife.

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How do you get a clown off a swing? Get a giant scorpion to rape him.

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class is canceled. My professor died.

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What happens when you spend far too much money in a gambling machine during a solar eclipse on a leap year? You get poor.

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Knock knock Who's there? The police, your son just died of terroristic bombing.

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Why were the black mans hands all sticky? He was helping orphans with arts and crafts

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What do you call someone that has befriended a fisherman? Fishermans friend Moral: Strongest there is.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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