What do homeless people get at Christmas? Cold.

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saftey torch you can out it on the porch. saftey torch put it in the hallway. saftey torch scare the monsters away. saftey torch that'll be 50 bucks.

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Why did the sloth cross the road To fuck your gay cousin

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A man walks into a bar. He walks out again remembering he forgot his wallet.

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Knock Knock. Doors open

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What should you give your Italian plumber for a refreshment? Water, because he's probably working so hard that he's thirsty.

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A man walks into a bar and orders 12 shots. "8?" Asks the bartender, to verify he had heard correctly. He feels unsure of giving the man 12 shots but does so anyways due to his financial situation and he hopes for a generous tip. Afterwards, the man kills 9 people in a car crash due to his level of intoxication and the bartender seeps into depression due to his feeling of guilt.

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Why did the weird alien jump everywhere? You probably don't want to know. If you learned why it jumped everywhere,you probably would make fun of it. I don't know if you know this, but aliens are sensitive. If you made fun of him, you probably would create World War 3:Humans VS Aliens.

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Why wouldn't joey pay attention in class? Because he was being raped by a grizzly bear.

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a pan of muffins comes out of the oven one muffin says "hey im really burnt" another muffin says "oh my gosh! a talking muffin!"

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What does it mean when the drummer drools out of both sides of their mouth? That they've may have had a stroke and you should immediately call 911.

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What is red and has two legs? Half a cat.

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A friend of mine said; the only vegetables that makes you cry are oignons. that was before I hit him with a watermelon

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if you are reading this your wasting your time

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Urban ghettos

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Knock Knock Who's there? Jehovah's Witness. Oh come on in, I would love to learn more about your religion.

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If you go to a restaurant and you have more food on your plate then someone who is obese, you KNOW you have too much food.

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what's worse than the holocaust? black people whats worse than black people? mexicans Whats worse than mexicans? 2 mexicans Whats worse than 2 mexicans? Africa

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What's John Lennon doing these days? Decomposing.

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What's blue and can't read? The Pacific Ocean

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How do you make a person cross the road? Ask them nicely.

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Why can't Vampires go out in the sunlight? Because they don't exist.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Nothing, he found his tractor and went back to work.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Which is rather deceiving, Considering that the name 'violet' should naturally insinuate that the object it is describing is violet as well. Violet as a color is generally a deep shade of purple. Therefore, shouldn't the aforementioned plant, the 'violet', be violet in color as opposed to the blue color that is most widely accepted by the general populous?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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