Why did the guy stay up all night on the internet? because hes a fat ugly bastard with no life

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You are basically asking if I care for you, care for me, and if this could put us both in risk... There is no picking at this stage, why would I use you?

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A dog walks into a bar, the dog is assisting his blind owner

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Knock knock Who the fuck says knock knock?

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what did the boy with no arms get for easter? a cane.

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How many pianos does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the lightbulb, and one to play a motivational tune.

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The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!" Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS." "Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient. "You've also got Alzheimer's Disease." Looking relieved the patient says, 'at least it shall be over quickly.'

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What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs, consdiering as disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion)

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootise pop? No, seriously, does anyone know?

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A terminte walks into a pub and ask is the bar tender here?

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How does Steven Hawkings refresh after a long day of work? F5

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What's the best time to go to the dentist? Whenever your appointment is scheduled.

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How do you confuse a Muslim? - Rub his belly.

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What did the whale say when he ran into a wall? - Oh Shit

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What did Batman say to Superman before they got in the car? Get in the car.

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What's black and white and read all over? Michael Jackson bleeding, I spelled " red" wrong

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Ham sandwich

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Win industrial estate, Newry

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Q: What's the difference between a bird and a fly? A: A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird.

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Yo mama is so fat that she has to eat salad instead of sandwiches because she wants to lose weight by going on a no-carb diet.

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Ich bin nicht der Anführer

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What does a cookie and the twin towers have in common? They both crumble.

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A man is taking a shower in jail where he drops the soap. He proceeds to pick the soap up and cleans the rest of his body, puts his orange jumpsuit on and returns to his cell.

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Q: Why did Captain Kirk suck his own dick? A: Nobody else was around, I guess.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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