Two eggs are in a frying pan. One egg says to the other, "Gee, it's getting hot in here!" The other one says, "Shit, a talking egg!!"

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A man with glasses and a cane walks out if a clothing store and accidentally bumps into a woman, knocking his hat off "Can't you watch where you're going?" the woman asks. The man then slaps her, knocking her to the ground. He picks up his new designer fedora, and drives off in his $90,000 Cadillac. The woman, after dusting herself off, gets the guy's plates, convinces a few witnesses to testify against the man, and informs the authorities of an assault. He was later arrested for assault as well as pimping and soliciting sex. He is found guilty in a court of law and is sentenced to 2-5 years in prison, and is doled a hefty fine.

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Q: Why was the math book sad? A: Because he recently found out that his parents died in a tragic car accident.

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David: Hey Bill. Do you know what the most common place for a Democrat to work is? Bill: No. David: An insane Asylum, so they can be with their friends and family. David: Do you know what the most common place for a black person to work is? Bill: No. David: A prison, so they can be with their friends and family. David: Do you know what the most common place for a 20th centrury undercover German Jew to work is? Bill: No. David: A morge, so they can be with their friends and family. David: Do you know what the most common place for a Scientologist to work is? Bill: No. David: With Democrats. (Writen by Ben, avid Anti-Scienctologist)

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How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

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Whats the difference between a baby in a comma and an iPod? I actually use the baby.

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An Asian, a redneck, an Irish, and an Iranian walk into a bar. All but the Iranian were asked to go back to the parking lot and park their car to take up only one space.

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A black guy goes to the bar. The Barman say: What would you like to drink?

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What's the best thing about having sex with twenty one year olds? There's twenty of them.

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you know whats not funny white boards.

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WHART++EWEEEEEEEP FLARPEN CARPEN FLARP

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What's the difference between a grape and a duck? They're both purple, apart from the duck.

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What do an airplane and a strawberry have in common? They can both fly.... Except for the strawberry

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What's worse than having AIDS? A piano falling on your left middle finger.

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Your momma's so dumb she graduated high school with a C average.

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knock knock!? . . No.

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A black man and a hispanic man are in a car. Who is driving? The guy who didn't call shotgun.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Orange. Orange Who? No, this is Homeland Security. We have raised the current terrorism threat level to Orange, which means there is a high risk of terrorist attacks. Please report any suspicious behavior.

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A man walks into a bar at 1 in the afternoon. He's the bartender and a fellow employee asked him to cover the afternoon shift.

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What did the farmer say to little susie? I have a gun. Get in the car and dont scream or i will kill you

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Your momma's so dumb she graduated high school with a C average.

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Whats the difference between a Dodo and an Elephant? They're both extinct. Excluding the elephant

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Two planes walk into an office building

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Manchester City

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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