Q: what did Don Draper do after he saw an attractive woman at the ABC store? A: went home and thought about her while drinking his scotch.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the fat girl stop eating? She wasn't hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Roses are red Violets are blue I've got to say I hate you!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

You can pick your friends you can pick your nose but you cant pick your friends nose.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

If I had a dollar for every time I heard a 'women's rights' joke I'd be bill gates.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

I was there when Lebron James hit a home run to win the Super Bowl.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you call a dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him he ain't gonna come.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

what did the cat say to the potato? meow

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Want to hear a clean joke? Soap.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

what looks about a computer which has two wheels? a bike. i lied about the computer...

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Did you hear about the peanut that was assaulted? He filed a police report weeks ago and is upset by the sluggish nature of the justice system.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What`s that CREAM that comes out of you when your mom puts a WHIP on you with a switch? WHIP CREAM!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Llega San Pedro le dice a dios y se va.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How many black people does it take to for there to be a murder? None. A murder is a group of crows,not black people.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. He got hit by a semi.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Q: What happened to the fat man on the roller coaster A: The roller coaster went slightly faster due to the laws of gravity

thumb_up thumb_down +17

- Knock Knock!! - whos there? - KGB - KGB wh........... *slap* - vwe vwill ask the questions!!!!!!! - Knock Knock!! - whos there? - KGB - Mom the KGB is here again....... - i dont care just answer the damn door - 5 seconds later nobody answers the door....... u here a crash and all of a sudden big men run in with guns - one comes over and slaps the mother while he continues to say " the KGB vwill vwait for no one!!!!!" - every body in the house is shot and and the KGB goees on to tlive normal lives........ for the KGB

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you call a large group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A blond is on her way driving to the airport when she sees the sign "Airport left." She made a left turn and got to her flight on time.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How did the chicken cross the road? Assuming the vehicles yielded to the chicken, it looked both directions before crossing then proceded across the street while staying between the crosswalk lines until it had reached the other side of the road.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the Crossing Guard union had reached a collective agreement and they had returned to work and it was safe to cross once again.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

So, I was walking down the street. As i walked past a oak door an entrance to a mental institution, I heard a bored voice going, "eleven, eleven, eleven". My curiosity, like a cat, got better of me and I decided to take a peek through the key hole and see the eleven things being counted. As soon as I had my eye on the key hole, I was poked in the eye by a metal rod. Startled, I feel back to the street. And, sure enough, heard the same bored voice, going, "twelve, twelve, twelve".

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A fat black guy walks into a pet store and asks if he can have a chicken. The cashier says "what do you want a chicken for?" He says " I need to lose weight so I'm hoping to eat its all natural eggs" So the cashier gives him the chicken and the fat black guy lost 50 pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the cookie shader Because someone dropped it

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops