Why did Shrek eat the onions? Anyone who has seen the Shrek films would know that Shrek never mentions anything about eating onions. In the first movie, Shrek and donkey have a conversation in which he compares himself to an onion, but the scene lasts maybe a minute and never again does Shrek mention onions in any way, shape, or form. For whatever reason, this one scene has turned onions into the strongest signature icon associated with Shrek.

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like most people my age. im 27

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hey guess what? what ur gay! how did you know ive been in the closet for 5 years!?

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Why did Little Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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What did the Taliban teenager strap on his chest before getting on the bus? A blue rubber dildo.

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What's worse than tornadoes in the USA? Earthquakes in Japan.

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Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan?

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DO U KNOW ABOUT THE BIRD BIRD BIRD, BIRD IS THE WORD? DON'T U KNOW ABOUT THE BIRD? EVERYOBODY KNOWS THAT THE BIRD IS THE WORD! Oh, no i did not know that the bird was the word.

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Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't try to surprise Oscar Pistorius!

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What the difference between a black person and a piece of shit in a bucket? The bucket

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what did the kid with no legs gat for her birthday? A soccer ball! I feel bad for this young girl.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To collect it's AIDS medication.

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what happened when the shoe turned into a shoe.......... nothing, it was a raisin

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Knock Knock I have a door bell It's broken Oh

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What did the average man say the the bird? HOODINI

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what's funnier than a dead baby nailed to a tree? Pretty much anything because infant mortality is in no way funny

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How do you stop a little boy from annoying you? You chop his balls of. Why was the little boy sad? Because someone chopped his balls off.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, as it was a busy highway it was hit before making it to halfway.

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Whats louder than a dinosaur? 2 Dinosaurs

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What is red and has two legs? Half a cat.

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a horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "why the long face?", the horse incapable of understanding the English language promptly shits on the floor and eats a bar stool.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding poo in your shoe.

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What would you do if I jumped down your throat when you were talking? That would never happen, as it's impossible to even climb into somebody's mouth.

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What do you call literature that's depressing and hard to read? ...a valued part of the English curriculum

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops