Three drunk llamas wearing sombreros are walking down the street. They walk in silence, lost in their own thoughts.

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed. I will also remove you from my friends list on Facebook because stealing isn't nice.

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Why is Jesse so fat? A horse, Because a cow gives milk thus creating pee wee Herman to jack off at an astonishing speed

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This night was a particularly stormy one, many a crop destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could emotionally blind those who may experience it's full potential. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a secluded village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for there lives, all but Jonny, that is. Jonny was bullied from a young age, approximately 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope, expectation and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going to venture into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there that Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down in the family's precious leather chair, looked her in the eye and whispered a sweet farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible, so now he is armed with the fact that his father is there for him, to help him further his adventure. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He grabbed his stash of Cool Original Doritos, took with him a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Ribena, got his Grandfather's lucky medallion and his inhaler and took his first step outside. He whipped out a carton of Ribena, used the straw to puncture a hole through which to drink, strongly crumpled up the carton, slightly spraying pure fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the drooping wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and with a cry so intense, shouted, "Nothing will stop me!!". Jonny died shortly after of HIV induced AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 3 to 5 years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation, frequent and consistant child abuse and paedophillia and smuggling Crystal Meth. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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God and Allah are having a metaphysical picnic, God says to his fellow deity: "Why do you think so many humans have been killed in our names?" Allah muses upon this for a moment and replies: "Because they think we exist."

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Some of these jokes are funny, others are sad.

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What's worse than a baby dying of AIDS? It depends upon one's frame of reference. A family living in the US might consider the death of a baby by AIDS a horrible act by the gods. But to a similar family in sub-Saharan Africa, this might be a regular, albeit tragic occurrence.

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What is the difference between a jew and girl scouts. Girl scouts come back from camp

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Why did the 80 year old man lose his vision? Because he recently blew his head off.

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how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop 397, IF you have a big tounge

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What do you call Americans Watching Canadians? Hockey

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Penis.

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whats the difference between a black man and a cat? you dont run from a cat

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Knock Knock Who's there? The Holocast ...

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Why did the Mexican fall off of a cliff? He lost is ballence.

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What came first, the chicken or the egg? This is a psychological question which the egg came from the chicken, but the chicken also came from an egg, so the world may never know exactly.

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Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king replied: ‘In silence.

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Why did the little girl have grass stains on her white dress? Because she was dragged into the forest and raped.

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A black man, an asian man, and a gay man walk into a bar. What do they do? They mourn the loss of their dead friend.

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what did the apple say to the orange, nothing fruits can't talk

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There's my tractor.

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What do you call a fat computer? Adele :)

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What do black people and tornadoes have in common? - It only takes one to destroy a neighborhood.

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What did the Republican say after he got off the ferris wheel but before he went on the roller coaster? "Boy, that ferris wheel sure was fun! Now I will ride the roller coaster!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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