A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? getting your ball sack ripped off with a grapple hook

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guess what? bannanas

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Your Mother is so ugly that men tend to avoid her.

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Why do people make fun of Laquesha? Because she's white.

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Whats worse than one dead Baby in ten trash cans Getting raped by kobe

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Where did Sarah go during the bombing? Everywhere.

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How do you fit 100 Jews in a car? You can't

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How do you get a black guy out of a tree? Get a ladder and help him down

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Roses are red. Waffles are blue. Blue Waffle.

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What kind of dance does an alien do? None, aliens aren't real.

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Whats the difference between Osama and Obama? The S is replaced with a B.

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what do you call an animal thats black and white and red all over? an elephant

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Why did the boy wear glasses? Because he had bad eyesight.

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Why did the kid cross the road? To show his friends that he had guts. And man, did he have guts.

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If a tree falls on a woman and there is no one around to hear it, she was probably lonely.

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A man walks into a bar. He leaves a large rucksack by the pool table and walks out. The rucksack then explodes and kills 13 people because it is the height of the Troubles and the man is a member of the IRA, who targetted the bar because it is regularly visited by British servicemen. The media extensively cover the story, and the two sides of the conflict in Northern Ireland decide that the bloodshed must stop, which eventually made way to the Good Friday agreement of 1998.

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Two men were walking down the street. All of a sudden, the first man turns to the second and pulls out his hands of 4 fingers each. The second man shows his hand of 6 fingers each. What does this show about them? Together they have 20 fingers total.

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If life throws you lemons, what do you do? Well unless life throws you water and sugar also, hen your lemonade is gonna taste horrible.

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How can you tell if an elepant has been in your refrigerator? It has been destroyed.

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So I was making this glass of milk right? So I get the milk out. And I get the soup out.. then I go...wait a minute...where'd the glass of soup come into this glass of situations? *smile+awkard pause because nobody will laugh at this=Success of this anti joke...try it*

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What do an airplane and a grape have in common? They both have wings, except the grape.

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How do you make a French-man cry? Kill his family.

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Why do gingers get mad when people call them gingers? Because it hurts their feelings

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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