Why did the blind man get hit by a bus? Because his seeing-eye dog was distracted by a squirrel and ran off, leaving the man in the middle of the cross-walk in heavy traffic.

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Once upon a time there was a chicken...the chicken married a dog. They dog and the chicken had little baby dog-chickens then the daddy dog killed the mummy chicken by eating her. The baby doggie-chicks saw and tried to run away but the daddy dog ate them too. Moral of the story: Marry someone who can't eat you ;)

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse replies, "my wife has cancer."

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What do you call a fat black guy in KFC? A guy who likes KFC.

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Q: What did the black guy say to the white guy? A: Nothing, he's a mute.

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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth? Stuck

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have u been drinking cannabel soup because you........ahhhhh!!!!! why are you trying to eat me!

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Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M Factory? A: It's hard to say. HR can not discuss the details of her termination, and the blonde signed a non-discloure agreement. She has since relocated to Biloxi with her family and is doing quit well.

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? "I'm going to kill everyone you've ever loved you fucking cocksucker, you think you can get away with sleeping with my wife? You better think again kiddo I will take away everything from you until you are reduced to a smoldering ruin of what you once was, mark my words bitch."

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Roses are red Violets are blue You think this will rhyme But it's not gonna

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Why did the grandma stop baking cookies? Because she is an aging widow suffering from depression because her family seems to forget her existance as she barely lives day by day wilting in her 1 bedroom home.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? He got many things, because everyone felt bad for him. Someone even brought him into their house so he could have Christmas dinner. On Christmas Day someone gave him fifty dollars to spend on food for his family. Only thing is, he didn't have a family.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he saw some pandas spooning.

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What's funnier then the holocaust? A second one.

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How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One to drop it and die of gas poisoning.

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what happens when a mexican makes love to an octopus? It makes a freaking weird looking animal

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What do you do if an elephant comes through your window? Pay For a new window

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Whats the hardest part of the vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.

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Whats worse than losing your phone? Buying a new one and then losing that

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What is yellow, has wheels and lies on its back? A school bus after a horrible traffic accident

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What did Hitler say to the black jew? Get to the back of the oven

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How do you know when you are really ugly? Objective self-evaluation, and frank, honest discussion with close friends and family.

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What do you get when you cross a chicken and a dinosaur? You can't. Dinosaurs are extinct.

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Sometimes I finger myself to some Madonna and Mary J. Blige shit. - Jesse

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops